Advice to women on giving the best to their children
This blog will appear on a men’s website so the title may not seem appropriate. However, since I’ve been accused of seeking “choice for women, responsibility for men” and of “making excuses” for women who act badly as mothers, I thought I’d share some thoughts specifically for women on how to do their best for their children.
1) Beware the live-in boyfriend who is not the father. However much affection you may feel for him, however much he may turn you on or give you a thrill, he may not be the right person to be around your children and you must put them before your own desires. Live-in boyfriends who are not the fathers are disproportionately implicated in child abuse cases. Why? As a writer in the Weekly Standard observed, “The boyfriend is interested in the mother. The children are interested in the mother. The boyfriend is not interested in the children.” In addition, the nature of cohabitation may play a role. The couple has all the hassles of everyday living together without the promise of stability represented by a marriage certificate.
2) Do not assume that because someone is female she is automatically an adequate caregiver. When I was fifteen, a lady who lived across the street came over to my family’s house and offered me $10 to baby-sit her two young children. I turned it down. Later, my mother reported, “[Her name] said she never heard of a fifteen-year-old girl not wanting to baby-sit.” This story would not be much except that at another time I learned from my mother that this woman was one of the people who had questioned my mental health. She had pointed to her own head and asked, “Is she all right?” What makes the story relevant to this essay is that a woman was willing to leave two small children in the care of someone whose mental state was considered iffy simply that someone was “a fifteen-year-old girl.” When my ex-husband was a teen boy, he was asked to baby-sit a couple of kids because the family had had two upsetting experiences in a row with young teen girl babysitters. The seven-year-old boy explained, “Those babysitters were so weird! All they want to do is wash your wiener! I told them I already know how to bathe myself but they said they needed to come in and help me and then they didn’t wash nothing but my wiener anyway. They kept washing and washing it and my wiener wasn’t even dirty in the first place.” I remember reading of a teenaged female babysitter who had had five children mysteriously die in her care. Some of the parents knew that a baby had previously expired while this girl was babysitting but still left their own young with her. The girl eventually confessed that she had suffocated all five.
3) On a more prosaic but perhaps no less important note, do not treat your children as if they are pint-sized psychiatrists. Do not pour out all of your troubles to them as they have more than enough of their own trying to grow up. Do not try to drag them into feuds you have with their fathers. Alienating them from the other parent is alienating them from a part of themselves. Yes, I believe Parental Alienation Syndrome is a reality – and a cruelty.
4) One of the greatest favors you can do for your children is to have them within a secure and happy marriage. Yes, put the horse in front of the cart: get married BEFORE you get pregnant. Then genuinely PLAN your parenthood. Use contraception conscientiously until you and your partner jointly decide that you want to welcome a new life into your happy home.
6 Comments »
Perhaps you could have mentioned a few words to women about treating men like sperm donors and walking ATM machines, since so many women don't give a rat's ass about KEEPING their "secure and happy marriage" once the father is on the hook, with respect to his legal obligations.
Now….. perhaps a few words about ending the child-support racket - giving men EQUAL REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS to women?
Give men the same privilege of avoiding "responsibilities" and obligations toward unwanted children as women currently enjoy.
It's all well and good to ask women to behave nicely, as long as the law does not require the same standards for behavior and responsibility for both sexes.
And perhaps you could present those same views on an array of TV's estrogen channels, as well?
October 6, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Advice to a man: When you see this happening on a widespread basis, and the legal system encourages the above behavior, start thinking about possibly getting married, of course, with a prenuptial agreement.
October 6, 2007 at 2:06 pm
"Beware the live-in boyfriend who is not the father", 'but first look at yourself', should have been the very next phrase. The woman with a child and a live-in boyfriend is already a danger to herself, her child and any man within sight, especially the live-in boyfriend. The 2004 DoJ statistics on child murder has mothers as responsible in 63.3% of cases proven. The live-in boyfriend is the first to be suspected.
Advice to men contemplating becoming the live-in boyfriend of a single mother. Don't.
October 6, 2007 at 8:24 pm
A woman wishing her "boyfriend" to move in with her is not only NOT putting her children first (where they should be), she's showing her kids that mommy is a slut. We're going to have some really fine citizens when they're grown, eh? Just another generation of self-obsessed losers.
October 7, 2007 at 4:42 am
college activist said,
The childs greatest protection agasinst sexual/child abuse is his/her biological father!!
A large majority of the time it is mom who invites the molester into the familly!!
October 7, 2007 at 7:14 am
Nice comments and maybe number ( 5) point should be ; men do beware when you are stigmatized with false allegations of child abuse and domestic violence by a vengeful and vindictive mother ?
You can be like me , be a persecuted falsely accused dad for seven years , go to court a couple hundred times ,enjoy prison's and nut houses , etc…etc….
Mum can pick up the phone and ring the controlled feminist cult police and they can come around and bash you so many times you give up .
October 7, 2007 at 10:50 am