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Reged: 09/29/05
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I'm the other man
      09/29/05 01:14 AM

I was contacted by an old schoolmate and we emailed for almost a year. I was overseas with no intention of returning anytime soon and so there was nothing romantic about our correspondence aside from a little flirting in reference to a few dates we had 20 years earlier. She told me how her marriage of ten years was unhappy. Nothing significant interms of abuse or fighting, just no love, no sex, no communication, etc. It had been like that for the last 5 years of the marriage. They had some discussions about separation but nothing ever happened.

I encouraged her to find out one way or the other, see if it is worth saving or move on, life is too short to live like that. I don't know what was said or done, but eventually she was telling me she was ready to move on. She was concerned about their son who is 3 and I said that he will be better in the long run if he has a happy mother.

Some time after that I came back to the US and we got together for a drink, after several times we realized there was more feelings going on there. She said she didn't want to get involved before she got separated or at least started the process and I agreed completely. But both of us at age 42 have been completely bowled over at the intensity of our feelings. She confronted her husband with separation and started looking for a place to live. We could not restrain ourselves and have been together almost daily since she started the process.

It has been about 2 months and she is finally moving out and packing up stuff in her house. She is feeling a lot of guilt and other emotions, which I have read are a normal stage in the divorce, especially as the one doing the leaving. I want to be with her, but I do not want to be the cause of her separation/divorce. I do not want to be the other man. She wants to talk to me about her feelings of guilt and remorse and feeling like the bad guy and how will her poor husband cope, etc. Although I want to be a good listener, it is rather uncomfortable for me and not really good for our future relationship I feel. When I mentioned to her that I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt, she was admant that she did not want to see me any less.

She made her decisions regarding her mariage long before her spouse did and I beleive she knows exactly what she wants. With him only beginning to deal with it and the physical changes involved she is now in the midst of the hard parts. I know our relationship timing was not ideal, but that is life and I do love this woman. I'm not sure of exactly the right approach at this time to give the best foundation for our future. Any comments?

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* I'm the other man Bwanap 09/29/05 01:14 AM
. * * Re: I'm the other man passem   10/01/05 07:27 PM
. * * Re: Are you sure you want to hear this? Tabitha   09/29/05 10:58 AM
. * * My two bits... TheOtherGuy   09/29/05 03:05 PM
. * * Yeah... almostheaven   09/29/05 02:26 AM

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