She discovered it online by logging into MSN with the credentials and happened across the fake profile, and then went to the email sent folder...I had forgotten to delete the profile.
The last three years have been ok I thought, just the normal problems. We argued about money as her family was always borrowing for some reason or another, which I wont go into here that is another topic all together. She claims I never talked about the indiscretion enough with her. The talking always started with her being retalitory(sp?) and hateful, and its hard to not be defensive and not want to talk with someone who had that tone. I always tried to get in her head, to get her to talk but would get"nothings wrong". I would do the same just for the fact she wouldnt open up. That has been a problem our full marriage, communication. We both have demons from our childhood, and may have had something to do with it. For the most part I though the last three years were ok, we traveled alot, she was able to stay home instead of work.
We live in TN, and she is keeping the house and staying in TN with the kids she says. I had to move into an apartment in Nashville, to be near work as where we lived was hour and half commute (we lived in the country, cheaper cost of living and close to her family, so I sacrificed and drove 3 hrs a day). I plan to stay near my kids and not move.
She told me that the closing on the house scared her, thinking I was going to leave her with a mortgage. I got a company laptop also and that sparked old feelings. She says she can never forget what happened, meaning she doesnt want to forgive. Her father was a cheater and abusive to her mother and her trust is thin on that subject and unforgiving.
Bottom line is I thought I had paid my price and we had moved on. I was wrong. But had no idea that she would all of a sudden resort to divorce and breaking up the family. All her friends in CA are divorced and am sure are providing one sided advice.
I suspect somthing is amiss in the 2 trips to CA, especially when you have no job, pending divorce, and kids at home. the first trip I can see, as she said in her note she left, that she couldnt tell me in person, as I would change her mind...But to come back, kick me out, move her sister and family in, file divorce and leave again to CA for 10 days, makes me suspicious, and maybe she wants me to feel that way.....
I do not want to lose my wife. Dont know what you got until its gone, rings true. Like I said, I have not done anything in the last three years, and that is the honest to god truth. Any advice on how to go on from here would be most appreciated. I have done everything she asked, I paying child support on time, I paid for all the bills for the month of Sept, agreed with her on everything, not just to be nice but because it was fair.
I still send her text messages, which I think I should stop, saying I love you and cant live with out you at this point I think is making the situation worse...
I just cant give up....
Soccermom, you are right, I wouldnt have liked it if she had done it to me, and did not think of her feelings or my children when I did what I did. At the time I thought it was harmless and didnt have any inclination to go and physically meet women. But it does plant the seed of doubt, and I would take a lie detector to prove I didnt cheat on her physically. I did cheat in my heart, and I realize that now. Too late I suspect....thanks for the responses.