2Gr8Kdz84
newbie
Reged: 02/23/08
Posts: 37
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"Forcing" daughter to see mother.
03/02/08 04:41 PM
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When all this began, i thought i knew what i was doing. a thousand posts later, i'm second guessing myself. Following is my situation - comments are appreciated:
STBX has alcohol / Rx (nothing "illegal" / anger issues. Kids 19 and 15 (both girls and EXTREMELY close - in some senses older sister has been surrogate mom for past 10 years) have grown up with it and i have been very involved in their lives since day one. I have temp custody of 15 y.o. (19 away at college) and we're in the house (stbx at family out of state).
15 yo is reluctant to see mother. I feel i know her well and she just needs time. I truly want her to have a full and healthy relationship with her mother. I am consciously doing what i can to avoid anything that might foster PAS. I know i'm the parent and i'm not blind to the 15 yo "calling the shots". she is an "A" student, involved in sports and extracurriculars, still has her same (good kid) friends, does not drink, smoke, drug, pursue inappropriate relationships (i know what you're thinking, she can't be that good, but she is - Today she cleaned her room, bathroom, sister's room, and guest room in preparation of her sister and sister's boyfriend coming home from college next week to visit; she helped me with laudry, finished school work, read (reads at least an hour everyday); took a walk with me, all without being asked). Bottom line, she's happy and healthy. If i "force" her to see mother too soon, i'm afraid of the consequences; if i don't the judge and posts i've read here suggest i'm not doing the right thing as a parent.
I have no intention of using my children as pawns - all i want to do is what is in their best interest now and in the long run.
Should i push the "you really should see mom" issue or let her set the time table? I think i've done a pretty good job as a dad these past 15 years, but suddenly now that i'm in court in a divorce everyone seems to have an opinion on how i should be acting.
BTW, my beautiful 15 yo was born without an ear. We struggled for years on whether we should have surgery so she would have "normal" features. We decided to wait (revisiting the matter every six months as medical options advanced). We got to the point (her teen years) where we felt it was now her decision. She is totally comfortable with how she looks. We took her last year to the pre-eminant doctor for the surgery and she left saying "Dad - thanks for bringing me, but i'm ok with how things are." Made me happy. What's my point here" I think a beautiful (star cheerleader) teenage girl who is comfortable with her body image given her situation might just have had some good parenting. I went with my gut then - shouldn't i now?
Thanks
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