Rebecca5
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 06/02/05
Posts: 11697
Loc: Down home.
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Re: Long timers and adult children
10/15/05 11:31 PM
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My folks have been divorced for...jeesh....25 or so years? Something like that. My mother pulled so much junk before, during and after their divorce, that my dad is still pretty...ummmm....upset with her. I dare say...."bitter" is probably the best word. Just recently, she relocated back to our home area and began using his last name again (even though she's been married/divorced since him). He hasn't mentioned anything, but I'm SURE it chaps his hide.
Anyway...we always do two parties. Mother's family is fairly large, so we have one "just family" party with all of them included. My dad's family is not geographically close, so it's just him and my s-mom on their side. I invite them to the kids' "friends" party. Like this year, we had a dragon party for S's 8th birthday with his entire 2nd grade class, and my dad and s-mom came to that one. If it's an event where two parties just aren't realistic or do-able, I celebrate with each of them privately, with no extended family or friends.
Obviously, there are some things you just can't do twice....weddings, graduations, etc. In those cases, I try to make the "sides" even, even if it means inviting less of mother's family to make up for the lack of family on dad's side. I seat my dad and s-mom with my friends and co-workers. It works well, because honestly....I'd just die if my friends spent time with Mother. She can freak out even the most level-headed of people. Otherwise, I just hope there's a large enough crowd that they can find opposite corners and no one happens to ring a bell. ;-)
We did just go through an....episode....a couple of weeks ago. Mother contacted him about something regarding me and he shut her down, of course. I was just po'ed that she had even called him. He started giving me all this advice about "considering the source,"....but I was kind of cranky and replied with....."Hey, Daddy....let's remember that I'm not the one who picked her."
I do wish he could just "get over it" sometimes, because it can be a big pain in the rear, but being 7+ years post-divorce myself, I understand how difficult that can be. My dad has been so loving and supportive, I feel like accomodating his request is the least I can do, no matter the inconvenience. Would your children be open to some kind of compromise like that?
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