jblackwell
recently joined
Reged: 06/16/08
Posts: 4
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Re: New here
06/16/08 08:41 PM
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And the affair is not the issue - the issue is that I have been married to a man who refused to let me cut my hair or lose weight. I took it all in silence for almost a decade, accepted all he threw at me, blamed myself and defended him to others. He yelled at me for having morning sickness, refused to believe that I had post-partum depression and called me anorexic for trying to lose weight after our daughter was born (I was 5'1" tall and 180 pounds). He yelled at me while I was pregnant because HE believed I wasn't eating enough. He threatened to break my arm for not giving our daughter a bottle of milk in the middle of the night, grabbed me by the hair in the middle of a grocery store parking lot when I messed up ordering diabetes supplies (later he hit me in the face with a packet of frozen vegatables, in front of our 3 year old). When he became ill, he messed up his medication and had a psychotic episode (picked a fight with me over whether I had put the thermometer in the bathroom cupboard). I had a two week old baby at the time. No family. No friends. A chronically ill 3 1/2 year old. It was a February night in Eastern Washington. I believe that he would have assaulted and killed me if I had not done my best to calm him down.
He hit me in the head with the phone when I didn't want to talk to my mother, then spent the rest of the morning yelling and throwing things at me. He tried to confiscate my car keys when I did something small that annoyed him (it was so small that I can't even remember what it was). Screamed at me in the car when I asked him to slow down (he was driving at 65 in a 40 mph zone, trying to catch up with a car that had cut us off).
In his lucid moments, he HAS acknowledged that he did all that and more. But it wasn't HIM (he says)- it was the illness, even the stuff that occurred long before he was sick. In my case, it wasn't any battered women's syndrome that stopped me from leaving. It was sheer lack of guts. And I blame myself for that.
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