Lanie4889
recently joined
Reged: 07/10/08
Posts: 1
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Re: BINGO!
07/10/08 10:40 PM
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I know time has passed on this issue and I am hoping to encourage and share on this topic as opposed to being slammed or slamming (how scary). I too have a 16 year old who does not live with me. He choose to stay with his father a year ago. The emptiness inside me even after the year has past is still cavernous and to hear other teens call out for their mom's is sometimes too much for me. He does not live close either and for me to fly from Washington state to New York state takes a lot out of my wallet with my income. No, I am not looking for sympathy because compared to some stories I've read, I'm lucky, but I do want to share and help through relating my experience. My husband is also a 'not so nice guy' who used physical, emotional and verbal ammunition to control - but I do believe there exist very nice men who don't - it just so happens my husband was not one(I choose him). The fear of having a son turn his hurt from a divorce into hate is something both women and men feel and I do believe without a doubt, physical, emotion and verbal abuse is applicable in reverse roles - women abusing men. So please don't read too much into my statement. I happen to be a women who choose a man and allowed a person to control me without standing up for myself or my children. I do own that and all that reaps from it. But with this said, the pain of separation is real and the fear of having a child take their hurt and fester it, is truly scary. He won't talk to me, ignores me, I can't call him because when I do his father gets upset and goes on and on about how bad I was. He doesn't need that, so I stick to sending him emails and putting notes in envelopes with packs of gum he likes. I also send gifts and play online games with him - I'm terrible, but try hard not to loose my character in a battle. I took on a second job to travel more and get braces on his teeth. I find the worst part of this separation is that I don't cook or clean for him anymore. There's no echos of 'Mom, can you make me a BLT', or 'Mom, can we play a game'ringing through my home anymore. Also, another experience you may relate to is that I can't seem to enjoy myself or let myself enjoy life since I know living with a person who needs validation and control is hard. He's already run from his house twice. Funny part of this whole issue is out of the five children my ex-mother in law had, he was the only one that hits. My in laws are very loving to my son (thank goodness) and my ex mother in law is a wonderful lady - she still talks to me despite the torent of fire she gets from my ex from doing so. I am lucky. He will be ok and I have all confidence that the years I spent with him and will spend with him in the future, will not go without influencing his future. I count on that.
Hang in there. The court, though sometimes seen as 'bad' do work for you and they are good. I have also come to believe that we all go though stages and so will our children. Life will wear down that wall that built between because I believe love conquers all.
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