motorboater
old hand
Reged: 03/14/08
Posts: 921
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Re: Relayer ----
09/21/08 10:01 AM
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Actually, pointing out perceived ignorance in others is a GREAT way to be "holier than thou." In abuse counseling, you might learn that acting superior to others is a form of emotional abuse.
"everyone here obviously has never read and educated themselves..." You have no basis for this; it's a hand waving act to hopefully convince readers that you're more educated. Try "Here's what I've learned about abuse..." as a preamble which doesn't put yourself above others.
"if you have symptoms of Post-traumatic stress, it's very likely you were emotionally abused and you better believe the person who did that to you deserves to get the worse end of the deal in divorce!" Except of course when the symptoms appear coincidentally after divorce proceedings start; then they are suspect at best. Also, not applicable when both sides have abused each other (the typical case upon investigation), regardless of who manifests more dramatic symptoms at divorce time.
"Please, before this topic goes further and all of us end up looking foolish, read up on true verbal abuse." Well, I still do agree with you that true verbal abuse goes far beyond verbal abuse in arguments; much is done outside arguments and much doesn't used even raised voices. That said, courts ignore most of that. Perhaps your issue is that subtle/long term/verbal/emotional abuse is NOT a crime. This thread was actually quite pointed to acts that ARE illegal.
If ROs were "par for the course" for both sides then you'd be valid to defend them as excellent tools to promote peace. Instead, they are sometimes used to impact the divorce settlement, essentially by characterizing the receiver as abusive and at fault.
As they function today, ROs do have a purpose to discourage threats or harassment. But they are also used to benefit safe or equally guilty "victims" in financial or custody settlements, essentially as a very powerful false allegation/pre-emptive strike. You can deny this happens, but only because you've done this, or never had it done to you.
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