You are right gr8dad, I do not like a woman who does not welcome our children into her home.
The $98 expense for hats was not for two years. It was listed as one expense from 12/20/03 for boys' gloves and hats. Wouldn't your ears perk up if someone handed you such a item?
Again, I am reiterating that I don't care that he submitted a $100 bike expense for our son's birthday gift. I did not, however, even think to include gifts to our children in my expenses.
As far as gifts for other children go, if visitation has it that the children are with me for most birthday parties of friends, then I have incurred legitimate expenses for the children to attend these events. Last year, for instance, our older son attended two Bar Mitzvahs. He needed a sports jacket (having outgrown the only other one he had ever owned from years before) so I bought it for the kid.
Just last week the same child had a fairly ritzy birthday party to attend when he was with his Dad. At bedtime, the night before the party, our son asked me if he could pack up his khaki pants and a polo shirt to wear to the party. He left for school at 7:30am with the clothes in a bag. Dad ended up stopping by my home after school and I brought shoes (non-sneakers) to his vehicle and asked him (my ex) if he thought our son needed them. He agreed that the shoes should be worn, so I nicely handed them over. Dad laughs at me.
And on another note...at the time of our divorce, my husband entertained the thought of putting in a clause that disallowed any overnight guests in our homes. When my lawyer said exactly what you stated....what is good for the goose, is good for the gander...he backed right down. Consequently, he rented a beach house and shared a bedroom with girlfriend, with our then 6 yr old and 9 yr old, before the divorce was even final. Furthermore, his then girlfriend left her own two teenage children at home alone to sleep at his house with the children present within months of our separation.
I don't want to tear his precious list to shreds. I do know, however, if the shoe was on the other foot, he'd come after me in a heartbeat. I helped pay off his student loans, my parents gave me $20,000 for our house down payment, I stayed at home for four years to care for the children while he furthered his education and I lost out on four years of a teaching career. I didn't ask for nor did he ever offer any compensation for any of this at the time of the divorce. He actually had the nerve to question his right to savings bonds that my deceased grandmother had given me since my birth over 40 years ago. Fortunately I had never touched them or he would have taken half of that as well.
I hear so many stories of how women do seem to get everything when they divorce....the house, alimony, custody, child support. I didn't ask and didn't want anything more than I really needed to begin a new life. I only hoped that we could, after much reflection and research, maintain a civil coparenting relationship for the sake of our beautiful boys.
It is comments such as yours and men who behave as he has that have turned my stomach inside out and feeling like I never imagined I would. Friends warned me that what is happening would but I adamantly defended him, saying he would never dismiss his boys. He has and it is difficult.