blueskies
recently joined
Reged: 12/19/08
Posts: 2
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Re: New here- Need to find the strength to stay away
12/20/08 10:09 PM
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I want to thank everyone who has replied to my post. The past month has been very hard on me and my daughter. Not to mention the emotional strain it has put on my entire family. My parents are so angry not at me just at everything that has happened to me. My daighter started hitting me and punching me a few months ago and told me she does it because daddy does it. She asked santa for her family back. The PFA hearing we had was last week and it dragged on for 6 hours (which is unheard of for a PFA) He lied about everything and said that i was the one with the mood swings. I ended up with a PFA for one year but he still gets to see our daughter on monday and wednesday nights until 8 and then on Friday he has her until saturday. She always comes back hating me and my parents. I am starting counseling at the domestic violence center next week. My daughter is seeing a childrens psycologist next week as well. One thing is that I am actually happy not scared about coming home. It is a wonderful feeling that i dont have to worry about every day. I am still scared when i go to work or to the store always checking behind me and try not to go places at night. My husband was never there for us he always had other things to do. Go to the bar or what ever he wanted and never helped me with our daughter. Now all of a sudden he wants joint custody and every time she goes there they do something differnt each time. "super dad syndrome". It is horrible that it makes me so angry that now he wants to be a dad when he never wanted to before? I feel like he is telling our daughter horrible things because of the way she acts when she gets home. I am currently living at my parents house which is not easy at times but the support is wonderful. I have a few friends that i still talk to. My main support is actually my boss at work who went through something similiar and has been a wonderful friend and support system. I have my good days and bad. Some days i just want to cry all day and i play everything over and over again in my mind. IT reminds me why i left. The feeling of being alone is horrible but will never hurt as bad as the physical, mental and verbal abuse i endured every day. People ask all of the time "why did you stay so long?" I dont know you become accustomed to it, you feel like you deserved it, that it was just a part of life. Now looking at that sentance i think wow! How could i have done this to myself for so long. How did i let my daughter witness this abuse. I still dont know. I was so afraid to leave. I thank everyone for the support. I am hear to listen to other peoples stories and learn as much as i can. I also need the support not to go back and become strong enough that i wont ever put myself in that situation again. I need to focus on my daughter and myselfs recovery. Please help!
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