nolonger
enthusiast
Reged: 09/15/08
Posts: 305
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Re: It starts...invasion of the goons. Im2old4 this
12/23/08 05:19 PM
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Thx, SM. I'm with you. Had I looked into the warning signs during dating, I wouldn't be in my sitch at all, either. I learned a lot. Don't wanna make the same mistake.
This guy was actually my prom date. He was my best guy friend who I always had a secret crush on. He, at the time, was off limits because twice during the 4 years of school, I was dating his close friends.
I remet him at the 20 year reunion this fall. He told me he regretted never acting on his feelings for me in h.s. and just wanted to tell me that. That was before he knew I was getting divorced. Once I informed him that I was going to be available, he was in 7th heaven. We spoke on the phone and it was just like old times. He's the easiest guy to talk to. I really value that right now. There is absolutely nothing "wrong" with him. We click.
So we went on a lunch date with my sister and my kids (at this point, just as friends). He got little stuff for my kids as gifts. Sweet.
Then we went on a group date with other h.s. friends. Got drunk. Went dancing. Had a blast.
I'm a [censored] believer in chemistry. I already knew I liked his personality, but wasn't sure about being closed to middle age and if we "had it" in that department. So I kissed him after that date. Well, and during that date, too. Each time, I was seeing if I felt anything more.
At first, I thought I did but then, not so much. I don't know what it was. I'm sure I was sending him the wrong signal by this simple act (hind sight is 20/20) but I was just experimenting.
When I got back I had time to ponder. Plus, I was dating another guy, nothing serious. When I went out with the other guy, I immediately realized that he and I had the chemistry that h.s. guy and I lacked. It was quite clear to me that I was trying to push a square peg into a round hole.
Then what happened was that guy I had chemistry with (who was never even close to being anything near a long-term possibility. He was simply the first guy I went out with since splitting w/ my H.) called me to tell me he had found someone that he thought may be the one he'd remarry some day. I was thrilled for him, but of course, it still hurt a bit.
Then I applied that experience to what I was entering into with the h.s. guy.
YIKES! I realized that in NO way did I want to put h.s. guy into a position of being hurt, nor did I want to put myself in a position of falling for a man who lived so friggin far away.
Never mind the fact that my divorce isn't final til the 20th of Jan.
I'm so not wanting to deal with any of this crap! I just want to casually date, find out who I am, what I want, and just be ME. Alone. No strings. No pressure.
It seems the pressure I felt from h.s. guy is the reason for the lack of chemistry. I just don't want what he wants right now.
Back to the warning signs...he's never been married and is 38. He has a college degree and manages a popular big-city restaurant but doesn't have his stuff together as much as I think he should be now. Then there's all this pressure and insistance in spite of my total disclosure of my true feelings about not wanting to be involved with anyone in spite of my saying that I don't need any pressure right now as I'm already in the pressure cooker! Add to it, the wierd guilt-trip thing with the hang up with no good bye.
I'm thinking it may be OK to burn that bridge. Am I being too guarded?
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