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Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8852
Re: Visitation
      01/29/09 09:02 AM

Ok, I went and had a cup of coffee so hopefully this will be less bytchy than the last one I typed and erased.

If your daughter doesn't "know" her dad. That is your fault. My husband was gone from the time my twins were 8 months old until they were 17 months old. And they called him Daddy when they saw him. We had pictures and video of him and we talked about him every day. Because I APPRECIATED that he has no choice about when/where he works and that his job allowed me to care for our children without working myself. So given that this is NOT his fault - I think it is royally unfair for you to use that as a reason that your child should be further separated from her father. Or that somehow it hurts you more than him to have her far away. The sad fact is one of you will be missing her for the rest of her childhood. I see no reason why it should be more on him.

Frankly, your plan to move home sounds great for you, but sucky for your child. She shouldn't at 21 months be in a position where she has to miss EITHER of her parents for months at a time. Ideally - you two would live in the same town so you both could always be close to her. If that can't happen then I think 50-50 is still a good option. I don't see why it needs to be year to year right now. Obviously when she starts school it would be necessary and she'd be older, but for now a couple weeks here and there would seem to be a better choice. Even every other month would be better. You can write up a decree that addresses changes based on her getting older.

The good news for you is the changes in her are about to taper off. Personally between the ages of 0-2 years I felt like they were new kids every day and it would have been very difficult to miss any of it. Between 2-3 the big changes are language - and you don't have to miss any of that if you can get her to talk on the phone or to a webcam with you (and him) while she is in the other's care. At 3 I think the changes REALLY taper off.

Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.

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Entire topic
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Visitation beachmommy 01/29/09 06:25 AM
. * * Re: Visitation elliesmom   01/29/09 09:02 AM
. * * Re: Visitation matart1   01/29/09 03:17 PM
. * * Re: Visitation beachmommy   01/29/09 07:40 PM
. * * Re: Visitation gail76   02/08/09 04:02 PM
. * * Re: Visitation beachmommy   01/29/09 07:51 PM
. * * Re: This Forum shortmarriage   01/29/09 08:54 PM
. * * Re: This Forum Redlegg   01/29/09 10:41 PM
. * * Re: This Forum beachmommy   01/29/09 11:54 PM
. * * Re: This Forum Redlegg   01/30/09 05:06 AM
. * * Re: Thanks for sparing us shortmarriage   01/29/09 12:06 PM
. * * Re: Miranda   01/29/09 02:26 PM
. * * Re: Visitation Redlegg   01/29/09 10:02 AM

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