OK! The world's longest post just for my friend Red.
Let’s break my answers, shall we? 1 by 1 from the top again folks, ready?
“If she wants to separate make HER move out and insist for your son he stays in the home with YOU! “
Because she is wanting out of her marriage and to break up the family.
“Don't leave and don't let her take him out of the house.”
Why should he leave, he doesn’t want out of the marriage.
“You should though inform him the very basics of what's going on.”
Why on earth would you want someone else, friend, family member, whoever, accidentally and you know it will happen, spill the beans on mom, about mom, anything mom? A bitter parent isn’t going to withhold saying anything while they go and wait forever for a judge…reality check.
And what happens when little Johnny sees mom with Joe Blow, and not having a clue about…“I thought mom and dad were just having problems, but who is staying the night with mom now? She’s still married to my dad…I’m confused!!!”
I would rather tell him this
“Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you.” And get him into so counseling:
Rather than lie out my butt telling him
“ Johnny, mom and I aren’t going to be married anymore son, we are getting a divorce. < But dad, is it something I did?> No son, we just have differences and can’t see eye to eye any longer, but we still love you son. <Dad, how come mom is living with another man and you are still married to mom?> Well Johnny, you see I can’t judge your mom for what choices she is making, let’s not talk about this and talk about sports! Yeah son, hey let’s go to the ball game tonight! <Sure dad! I’m not suffering no knowing anything strange about my new living arrangements and knowing nothing about them either, you both are swell parents and mom’s new boyfriend Chuck sure is swell! Thanks for the talk dad, I love you!> And I love you, your mom loves you, and so does your mom, my wife and Chuck’s girlfiend love you too!”
Change the phrase to whatever you like Red, there isn’t in depth detail. THIS PARTICULAR situation, involves some morals would you agree? So dad doesn’t say anything, nobody does and Johnny boy sees all mom is doing and grows up and later does the same thing, valuable teaching lesson Pbbt! Down the drain and more undesirable chaos in the world of marriage.
“No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you.”
Just some advice, don’t get nasty about what’s happening with the split tell the poor kid they both love him. What are you going to tell Johnny boy? Mom’s out of here! Sorry bud, can’t tell you why!!!!
“Do everything possible with and for him to show your are being the provider.” If mom’s out doing the naughty, she ain’t providing to the best of her ability to Johnny as a mom, maybe as Chuck’s naughty girlfriend.
“I'm sorry but boys usually should be with their dads unless those dads aren't a good influence, they need to learn things from their dad a mom can never teach them!”
If a father doesn’t have anything to teach their sons, what’s the point of them being around? Then they should all go invitro like the Oct mom.
“Whoa Nellie! Not bitter at all”
I’m not! I love my husband, my stepson, and our daughters! His X girlfriend and her husband really lack desirable qualities, they receive child support from 2 different dads and 1 mom, and no they don’t have the great parenting skills they are very good at lies and manipulation.
"My wife now wants a divorce (and I know it is because of some other guy...I have covertly discovered). I don’t want a divorce but she is not willing to even talk about it."
It’s important information directly pertaining to his household and his little Johnny boy.
How he got it, I don’t give a hoot, but this PARTICULAR situation is imperative to them and will affect them.
“This is why THIS boy should stay with D. He has his head on straighter than the other parent right now.”
Yes, in this situation, mom wants to play slip and slide with Chuck, dad is the one who is going to be most likely hanging out with their son while mom is of playing the piper around town.
“That is in the best interest of the child right now.”
A new relationship is going to take time away from focusing on your child.
“I wouldn't want my spouse who was out gallivanting around, bringing new overnighters in front of my children, would you? She is in her own world at the moment. No sexism here, the parent who wants what is best for their child is the better parent, clearly from the post, she isn't filling that role at the moment. You go dad and get your boy!”
If the mom wanted what was best for their child she would be at home and trying some counseling or whatever else they can dream up.
“Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you.”
I still stand by there is no in depth details and don’t want Johnny accidentally hearing talk of the town.
“I would rather be very brief as possible and state the facts. I would hate for my child to see the other parent hanging on somebody or talking in secret with them and have them be so much more confused.”
I have already stated my reasons above, um, a few times I think.
“If it is true, you would have to morally as their parent judge the other.”
Again, already stated, Johnny is going to come to some conclusions you have to talk with him or the counselor is going to have to, but someone will, people don’t unfortunately keep their secrets to their selves.
“Raising your kids showing right from wrong: adultery is not ok, it's wrong.”
You can explain it about Marylou and Barney down the street as an example. If not mom, but you know as well as I do Johnny is going to find out…but from YOU or the kids at school………!
“But this is all assuming what they posted is factual.”
He isn’t calling mom anything bad, just letting the boy know before others slip up, or see mom and Chuck smooching away instead of paying attention to Johnny waiting months before their divorce is done.
“My sister in law said the same comment of it didn't happen in a vacuum about my SS getting arrested for drugs, can you explain it to me? Blindly it didn't happen but the vortex being sucked up is what I picture.”
Someone answered, thank you again.
"You should though inform him the very basics of what's going on. Mom met a man and decided to move out with him, it's not ok what she's doing, we still love you. No details, he still loves his mom as much as he loves you."
Like I already stated, phrase it as you will, I that is I feel he needs to say something before anyone else spills it, it’s the world of can’t keep anything a secret.
“Oh for the love of Batman...Where is the details in this? Take out the words Mom met a man, keep the she is going to move out with him/her/it whatever.”
I think I just went over this for the umph-teenth time Red.
“Truth in love, its truth with love.”
That clearly states what it says.
“Someone no matter what is going to look bad.”
Yes it’s sad, but you can’t hide the fact from Johnny, I would love to hear of a few cases that the children, of course not little ones who don’t understand much of anything yet, where this has been done secretly and successfully with out the children and family members knowing and talking.
“But, I still state, if all this is true; boy stays with dad in home. Mom chose differently and now dad will be there for the boy.”
Mom’s playing with the new fire toy.
“Reasons why the split as you said, they shouldn't matter.”
You’re absolutely right, they SHOULDN”T matter, but they will always surface and make their debuted.
“I’m not blaming the whole event on her,”
I’m not, I’m sure he was busy checking out [censored] on the internet or flirting with the gas and sip clerk. Something, it takes two to do the dumb dance with.
“He asked for opinions I gave him my bellybutton.”
I was going to say the phrase, “Opinions are like @zz holes…everyone’s got one”
But I assumed you would have then called me one.
“Hmmm...Well let's see, a grandfather, a family member, church member”
Yes, those are a good start, but no it’s not the biofather, only assuming that he is of good measure.
“Hopefully if she remarries a good influence.”
Why not stay single until the kids are out of the house, then you could devote all your time and attention on the kiddos? There starts another topic though.
“Certain things, unless your she man”
I learned skills from my dad, I’m a woman yes, but I leave those manly skills for my DH to teach his son and our daughters, what’s the sense in having him around if he has nothing to offer in their growing up?
“A father can teach”
Just answered that one
“Same with the mom”
Just different things to teach them,
“Before red jumps down my throat”
You already answered that one
“Tools, shop talk, cars,”
Again, why bother having a dad around when mom takes over everything in the rearing of children
“How to take care and treat a lady”
If women know so much, about treating women so good, why aren’t there more lesbian relationships, because a boy needs to learn certain qualities from a dad. Besides if a man knew everything about taking care of a lady, the relationship would be so boring.
“(Yes assuming he is a good guy)”
A lot are.
“Unless you’re both as I think Kim was said to be.”
“You need both aspects”
We don’t need more feminine men out there because they only learned feminine skills; we need to have manly loving men
“And the woman’s hand in all that???”
All she talked about was other men that wouldn’t be constant supporters in their life, for a year, sure you can learn a skill from someone, and most of us learned so much valuable everyday skills from whom? Dad
“My point proven, boys need their daddy's.”
I’m saying daddy’s, mom’s are there too, but I’m shooting and rooting for dad’s that get unrightly shoved out of boy’s lives because of separation or divorce. It happens all way to much
“Yep, I’m glad that same shop teacher is going to be with boys for all those years, he really is going to think of him as dad”
Come on now
“Did I say anything about a transmission?”
Nope and how is a boy going to connect with the good ol’ story from the shop teacher when it’s not his relation? It won’t
“Fathers have a connection with their sons”
So I’ve said
“Same as a mom.”
And again, it’s stated
“Is that shop teacher going to really care and give him all his
Attention and knowledge? Nope he has his own family and 30 other students to worry about.”
He won’t be there to talk to Jr. when he needs him in the middle of the night
“Dad's (for the general) care totally about their children.”
That’s for sure
“Man to son talks,”
I love hearing women try to fill this area, hilarious!
“Family history from him”
Something from a dad’s point of view that makes them look up to dad and say “That was cool!”
“Learning how to become a man!”
An answer in its self Yeah 1 for 1!
“You must be the one who is trying hard to keep your child away from dad because he's a bad guy.”
She sounds like the bitter divorced mom
“Sorry that sucks,”
I do feel bad…for the kids and their dad, the relationship you know that is going to be hindered by her
“But there still are things you will never teach your son.”
That is a fact, no questions about it!
“There are things I can never teach our DD's, only he can.”
He has opened up a whole world for them of things we never did in our family growing up, they have a BOND with him I would have never introduced or even imagined
“Why waste their connection with him? Sad.”
Never answered question, but it’s a sad fact for so many kids
“All in all, children love both parents”
Yes they do
“Even if the other doesn't”
Um that’s why they are splitting I’m guessing
“They both have qualities to share”
Yes, again I state the same
“So since you know how a woman likes to be treated more than your husband would ever know, why don't you tell him all your secrets?”
Again never answered
Ok, done on this once and for all. Let’s tackle another issue.
And lastly, I know I said somewhere ( couldn't find it though) I said about cheating~it wan't trying to be crude, do you always take everything so personal? Lighten up brother!