BeachBabeRN
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 01/16/06
Posts: 3028
Loc: VA for 21 years, NC forever!
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Re: feel like I'm unraveling
09/29/09 06:07 AM
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Lostconfused -- I could have written this. I have lived your life and walked in your shoes, albeit not for as long a time but I've been there.
Sadly, my marriage ended close to a year ago. We'll be separated a year on 26 October.
It's difficult when the men we want so desperately to love us in a way that WE need to be loved, can't/won't do it. They seem to believe that the simple act of marrying us is what should completely satisfy us for the rest of our lives while they go their merry way and pay no attention to the fact that as they live their lives the way they choose, their marriage is slowly dying.
My STBX used to say, if I complained about something **well, I married you didn't I?** What a crappy thing to say to someone. He had plenty of time for his friends while I was working and sat in a chair the nights I was off watching hour after endless hour of news. Then when I would go to bed, he'd get interested.....and after all that, I surely wasn't.
This went on for MONTHS..............
Eventually, he left, after much fighting and crying and me begging him to see what he's doing to our relationship -- no, he left because I was a biotch. I'd rather fight than eat. HE never did anything wrong.
We had no children together and our finances had been split about six months into our marriage. He owed me seven thousand dollars which I am in the process of getting back. I was as lonely as you are -- I have only one son still at home the other is in the Marine Corps and stationed in Florida.
He left me while my oldest son was in boot camp -- a bad time for me anyway. For months afterward, he would come around and leave, come around and leave untill I finally fournd the balls to tell him NOT to call me, NOT to come by, NOT to come to my place of employment -- it wasn't until I did that that I had a measure of peace and sanity.
In the end, I wrote hima seven or eight page letter, expressing myself and my opinions about how his actions affected me. It was more closure for myself than anything else -- but he at least doesn't call, etc. thereby putting my emotions in an uproar again. It's easier.
It's lonelier also. I get lonely at times -- I tend to ignore it and it passes. My son at home is 17 and does all the stuff he should be doing at his age. I'm alone at lot, which really doesn't bother me. I have friends, a house to care for, work that needs to be done, I'm an ER nurse at a local hospital -- my life is full.
I understand that you want to do the right thing for your kids but the right thing is for your kids to have happy healthy parents. This isn't a great situation for them. Kids will survice a custodial parent working, mine did. They'll survive you going to school and furthering your education. They'll thrive in an environment that is supportive and loving and be satisfied with what they have.
Will it be harder for you? Yes, for sure it will. Will it be worth it?
Oh GOD, yes.
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