Filed and papers served Feb.09. In CT. No children. I met someone in Nov.08, but did not proceed with relationship until wife was told and served.
We were already in a pretty deep financial crisis. She had run up credit card debt between $40,000 & $50,000. But I will not make this a he said-she said post.
We were already several months behind on our Condo/HOA fees. We were also a month behind on mortgage.
Well after filing for divorce I made several trips to visit gf. Trips included rent-a-cars, hotels, and food-all on the cheap, but add up to several hundred each trip.
Since the 1st thing we did was open separate checking accounts, she no longer had access to my money.
At our 1st 4 way divorce meeting (me, her, our divorce attys) the lawyers stepped out and came back with a recommendation of filing bankruptcy. Her atty doubles as a BK atty. I went to a meeting, but did not feel comfortable at all with her atty representing me in the joint bk case.
It was then that I decided (in totally good faith) to look into loan modifications for the mortgage. My main goal was to get the mortgage lowered enough so that my wife could afford payments and I was going to walk away from condo and leave her with 100% of the $60,000+ equity. I sought out 3rd party loan mod companies on the internet and thought I had found a good one. He advised to stop making any mortgage payments as it would boost the case for approval of loan mod. Although I worked my tail off doing research and such, it did not pan out, and besides wife did not accept to take 100% of condo either. This took months. And of course each month that went by was another month mortgage was not paid. We are like 6 months behind now, but still not in foreclosure. (Side note-we have both been living in the condo all this time as neither could afford to move out.)
Well after this it was now Aug09. We decided along with our attys to again try joint bankruptcy prior to divorce so there would be no debt to divide up. We met with a bk atty that was recommended to us. He is very slow and ultra-thorough. He asked for and needed a ton of document, forms, info from us. I tried to get everything he needed pretty quickly. Meanwhile in Aug09 our div attys went to div court and told judge we were filing bk and case was continued for 11/6. 11/6 came and we still did not have all docs needed to bk lawyer, so we had not filed bk yet. On 11/6 the div judge read the attys the riot act and said he needed proof we filed with 2 weeks 11/20. bk atty said no way. On 11/20 it was decided to put bk on hold and move forward with divorce. Pretrial date in 01/10.
Now this entire time I have been working directly with mort co on a mod so perhaps they would add arrearage to end or forgive it. I did make 1 entire payment (me alone) in 11/09. Also the HOA has sued for arrearage and I worked out a deal with HOA's atty on a payment schedule. We gave him $1000. Next payment due 11/30/09 for a tad less. My thinking is we are now going to be forced to sell condo as part of divorce settlement. Why make payments to either mort co or hoa if we are selling and the money will just come out of sale.
PS Wife totally dragged her feet in getting docs to bk atty. I had to beg her. She is in no hurry, as she now has a local boyfriend, a place to live (our condo) and all her ins is still being paid.
All that (so sorry) to find out how much trouble I will be in for stop making mort payments, spending probably close to $1000 between 02/09 and now visiting gf. I did also open 2 cc accounts back in 02/09 since closed, prob $1000 total.
Also I should add I have money go into my credit union each check, plus a xmas club. I have used some of that paying household bills, but most on gf and personal bills-cable-cell phone. Withdrew all of xmas club-nothing to wife. It was only from my paycheck, so not sure how that works, but a bunch, but not all money has been spent and not on mort although a decent amount on lawyer fees. Also there is a 2nd mort that is in her name, but I am co-signer-she has kept that up, I have not contributed.
So now it looks like sell condo and file bk separately.
How much trouble am I in for?
1. spending money visiting gf
2. Spending credit union money
3. Not keeping up with mort
She is no angel, but as I said no he said -she said.
Thanks so much for your opinions