No longer..I completely agree with you about the Narcicism (however it's spelled..lol). They work hard to reel you in and then once they've got you..they no longer have to work hard at it and the frequency of their phone calls and text messages starts to fall off.
The guy I was dating was like that. He came on very strong in the beginning and on our first date..he was already calling me his girlfriend and left a note beside my purse when I went to the bathroom that said, "I really like you", which was sort of a turn off. On our second date he was already telling me that he loved me and wanted me to move in with him...that he wanted me to stay there all day long with him and as he got his stuff done around the house..he wanted to come and sit by me and just have me there with him. By the third and fourth dates he was telling me that he wanted me to move in with him..that he'd build a fenced in yard for my dogs..and that down the road he wanted to marry me...and he barely KNEW me!!
THAT was more than a little scary but it was also nice to be treated like a queen, have so much in common with someone and finally be able to be with someone that loved to laugh as much as I did. After a 14 year mentally abusive relationship where my ex barely paid a bit of attention to me and shut me out of his life almost completely..it felt great to be with someone who actually wanted to spend time with me and who actually took the time to want to communicate with me, no matter where we were. When we were out he'd sit at the bar with me, talk to me all night long..wasn't afraid of public affection..and man..it felt awesome!! He was always making comments about how nice I looked and made me feel sooo beautiful and cared for. He'd call me babes, honey and sweetie (something my ex NEVER did), he made sure that I was always comfortable and warm enough, etc. I was in absolute heaven!!
But then as you mentioned...the Narcicism grew. He started telling me that I should dress more like a woman..that I shouldn't take the job I'd been offered because he felt like it was too long a drive (THAT made me feel really cared about)..that he didn't want me to work and that he just wanted to take care of me. Except for the first one about wanted to change the way I dressed..I took everything to be that he really really cared about me and again, coming out of completley emotionally abusive relationship..it felt good to be loved and cared about so much.
But then it started getting worse. He kept on me about the way I dressed (again...that I should dress more like a woman and that he'd take me shopping to buy me some new clothes..he hated my purse and would buy me a new one..he hated the boots I was wearing, etc.) It wasn't like I was showing up in jeans, a sweatshirt, and tennis shoes..I was always dressed nicely and probably the best dressed person in the blue collar establishments he'd take me to at times.
And it wasn't like he was "Joe Fashion Plate" either as most of the time he'd just dress in jeans, tennies, and a polo shirt (I think he's got three..they're the only ones I've ever seen him wear....and yet he's telling ME how to dress!!)
He kept on me about not wanting me taking a stupid $12.50 an hour job and that the only way to make money in this world was to start up my own business. He'd say things to me like, "You don't need to work..I can take care of you..you're too intelligent to be working a measly $12.50 an hour job!!" and I told him, "But this is my DREAM job..I'm good at what I do..very good at it and I really want to start it and see how things go..there's lots of room for growth with this company and I'm really excited about it!! Just let me try it and see how it goes" He says, "Well you're not working there for long..gas is too expensive and I don't want you working..you don't have to..I have a lot of money and work for a lot of rich people.."
He went on with that song and dance about knowing a lot of rich people ALL the time. That he had a lot of money, etc. yet besides taking me to the local blue collar bar in his neighborhood..he NEVER spent any money on me!!
Everytime we got together..he'd get on that same lecture and I was actually feeling guilty about even starting the job he rode me about it so much!! I told him often times that I was never the sort of person to just TAKE from a relationship..that I wanted to work so that I could contribute something to it and his reply always was, "But you don't HAVE to work..I know a lot of rich people..I have a lot of money..I care about you too much and you deserve better."
As good as this guy was making me feel most of the time..I was slowly finding out that I was losing my identity as he tried to control me more and more. He didn't want me talking to my ex at all..he wanted to come over and clean all his work stuff out of the garage..etc.
He'd call me during the day and tell me EVERYTHING he accomplished during the day and then would ask me what I did all day..not to hear about my day..but more like accusing me of WASTING my time!! He's the sort of guy that gets up at the crack of dawn..is up every two hours doing SOMETHING..and was always saying, "Gotta get things done..so much to do during the day..I get things done..I'm busy all day long." Most of the time when I stayed over there, I was out of there by 6 am so that the guy could "start his day"..."Lots of stuff to get done today..I've got a full day ahead of me today" as he'd run down his list. One morning he even had my shoes sitting at the door saying, "Gotta get going babes..my rides gonna be here shortly.."
I asked him one time if I could at least help him with things when I was over there and he'd say, "No..I get it done quicker when I do it alone...plus it's less room for an arguement..I get things done faster when I do them myself."
Now that I've stepped back from the entire picture, I realize now that the guy didn't really want to take care of me..he wanted to CONTROL me!! He wanted to turn me into this Barbie doll that he could show off to his rich friends.
And ya know...he knew a lot of rich people cos he did WORK for them. We never hung out with any of his RICH friends..he was just an employee of theirs.
All he ever talked about was money money money. I told him once that I didn't care how much money a person had and that I'd live in a tumble down shack with an outhouse in the back if I was happy with the man I was with. Then he'd continue on with..I know a lot of rich people..I have a lot of money..."
All the guy did most of the time was BRAG!! He got jobs that he did cos he was good and he got the job done. "Gotta make money" was what he'd say all the time. He'd call me and tell me all the time, "I got 3 more jobs today and my phone is always ringing off the hook with people wanting me to give them estimates..can't stand people that sit around all day just thinking about their problems...they should go out and get a job!!" Yet he didn't want me to work...ok..whatever...
He was all smoke and mirrors. Said he'd send me flowers cos he wanted to treat me like a lady and that his parents had raised him up right to treat a woman good. Said he'd take me to a football game, get a limo, and sit up in the Skybox with all the bigwigs. He told me that he'd met celebrities and that they were all good friends of his. Told me that he met Valerie Bertanelli and that she calls him all the time (yeah right..I'm sure she's got him on her speed dial!!)
He told me that he didn't spend time in Malls..that he wanted to take me to Nieman Marcus and buy me some new clothes so that I looked more like a woman. One time I spent an afternoon with a girlfriend just hanging out in the mall and he actually said to me later that night, "How the hell can waste 8 hours in the mall? I get stuff done during the day and haven't been to the mall in years!!" When I told him that I'd spent time talking with friends on the phone in the afternoon he said later on, "How can you spend that much time on the phone..it's a waste of time...I get things done during the day..you hang around with me long enough and you'll realize that..gotta be smart in life...gotta have fun in life..me..I'm smart!! I write everything down and keep track of things."
This guy wanted to completely run my life..yet he never wanted to take an INTEREST in it. It was all about him!!
Talk about Narcisism!!
The guy was so damned anal I swear to god if there was a gum wrapper with a number on it..he had it on file!! He was the most paranoid person I'd ever met and he'd always say, "Gotta be smart.." as he'd point his finger to his head.
He kept his house so immaculate you could probably eat off the floors!! When I'd offer to help with something he'd tell me it wasn't his job. He said he was a good cook..cooked for his kids all the time cos his ex was a lousy cook and I told him one time, "I make awesome barbecued ribs..I should make them here for you sometime..and his comeback was, "I make awesome ribs myself.." so I said, "Let's have a cookoff some weekend..you make YOUR ribs..and I'll make mine and we'll see who's are better.." It's like it was never a question as he said, "I already know mine will be better...I do everything myself..it just works out better that way..less room for arguement."
What a nutcase!! He was always messing with my head telling me things one day and then saying, "I was just messin' with ya..I'm a philosopher ya know and I can read people. I never open myself up to anyone until I sit back and read into them."
Yeah right..he opened up to me like a book..came on so strong..told me he loved me all the time..wanted me to move in with him..wanted me to marry him...even said that he wanted to have a baby with me..and then later on he'd say.."I was just being a philosopher that night..just joking around with you...gotta have fun in life..gotta learn how to laugh and not take life so seriously.."
Well those AREN'T exactly things that you joke about..especially when you're in a relationship with someone!!
After telling me for weeks on end that he loved me and missed me all the time, I said to him one night, "Yeah..you know I love ya.." and he actually went off on me and said, "Why do you ALWAYS have to say that all the time? You say it too much and it just wears it out..you spend too much time with a person and it just wears it out. Sometimes spending a few days apart makes you miss a person more so that seeing them the next time...makes you happier to see them.."
Where the heck did THAT just come from when I was just making a joke?? Then one night he told me he loved me and I said, "Ya do..do ya?" and he says, "There you go again...always playing head games and fishing!! Why don't you just say it back??!"
Yikers!! And he's talking about head games?!
One Sunday afternoon we got together and he was in one ugly mood. Kept his distance most of the day and I thought for sure he was gonna break things off with me. We were talking about one of his 19 year old employee...that he gives all his money to his girlfriend, etc..and I said, "Ahh..cut him some slack...he's young and probably just whipped." My boyfriend says, "Yeah..I used to be whipped too..but then I got smart..." I came back with, "What the heck is up with THAT comment?!" and he says, "Always the philosopher..always the philopher."
So friendly posters..if you're involved with someone like this...run like hell!! These types of men will treat you like a queen from the very beginning..wear their hearts on their sleeves...make you feel more loved than you've ever been loved before but they're looking for someone needy cos they're so needy themselves...and once they have you reeled in...if they can't control you..they'll move on.
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