BerdyB
newbie
Reged: 01/07/10
Posts: 43
Loc: California
|
Should I push the issue? *long post*
01/17/10 10:46 AM
|
|
|
I feel like every time I start one of these posts that I have to give a little background for those who may not have read my other posts... so forgive me if it's redundant.
I've been married for 12 years, (together 18). My STBX asked for a divorce 6 weeks after our twins were born. I was under the assumption the marriage was in perfect condition (otherwise I wouldn't have gone through fertility and got pregnant). So the word "divorce" was a complete shock to me. He was VERY good at blaming me and taking no responsibility for his own actions. Some of his reasons were: I gained too much weight, became unattractive, was no longer any fun, didn't listen to him, spent too much time working on my degree and neglecting him... the list went on but those were the "biggies". I can sit here and explain our life circumstances to show that these reasons just didn't make sense - but this post would end up being a book...
Anyhow, nothing made sense. These issues had never come up before (for the exception of my weight which he claimed he was worried about my health). For the most part, however, what he was saying didn't connect. So I began to investigate.
Three years ago, his brother passed away at a young age and my husband dumped himself into working out. He ended up having a very nice physique that he'd never had before in the 18+ years I've known him. He started to get a lot of attention. We are young (in our early 30's) and he's a high school teacher. Of course, the rumor mill started that he's having an affair with this teacher or that teacher. It's high school rumors and if I believed each one, my STBX would have slept with most of the female staff at his high school. He told me about each rumor and we both scoffed at how ridiculous it was.
Well, last school year, a rumor with a particular teacher kind of stuck and I started to get nervous. I chopped it up to my nerves and hormones due to pregnancy. He told me about the rumors in June and I had my babies in July. So when he asked for a divorce, and with nothing else making sense, I decided to dig deeper.
I found 6000+ text messages exchanged between the two of them in one month - I can go back as far as April of last year and the volume was like that each month. All between the two of them. My STBX always spent lots of time on his phone texting so I NEVER assumed it would all be to one woman. When I asked who he was messaging - it was always a different person, different topic. He (to that point and to my knowledge) had never lied to me, never cheated so I continued to trust.
I even called the woman and she was adamant that they weren't having an affair - however neither one of them could explain what they had to talk about. It was always "work" but the texting went on through the Summer when work was out.
The new school year started and he had already asked for a divorce when his co-workers all started to question him as well. His co-workers were also our friends and they all were trying to protect me. As a result, they began hounding him (and her) to the point where it got to the principal of the school. Now, relationships between teachers aren't against the rules unless it is on campus. So he was in the clear but his professional reputation is now getting tarnished and he (and she) have more reason to hide the affair.
He moved out in October to his own apartment. He made it VERY CLEAR that I'm not to drive by, come without notice, or any other unexpected behaviors. I figure, he asked for divorce - he's not "mine" anymore and I shouldn't do those things anyway. Since then, he's spotted around town with her, spends all of his free time with her (and her three children) but nobody has actually seen any kind of romantic behaviors. They are very careful.
I'm not dumb. I'm 99% positive that the affair is happening and he's trying to protect her and himself. Since I have no actual, visual proof, however, I feel that it's still an unresolved issue. I just wish he'd admit it.
My worst fear is that once our divorce is final and they've both transferred schools to alleviate the scrutiny they've been receiving that he's going to announce that "We are dating now" and try to pull it off as if it started after the divorce. It's going to re-open a wound that's already so incredibly deep and painful.
Should I continue to confront him to try to get him to admit what he's doing? I'm at a loss on what to do.
--------------------
"I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart" ~ Romans 9:2
|
|
0 registered and 2 anonymous users are browsing this forum.
Moderator:
|
Forum Permissions
You cannot start new topics
You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled
UBBCode is disabled
|
Rating:
Thread views: 1359
|
|
|
|
|
|
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1
|
Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
|
|
|
|
|
The information contained on this page is not to be considered legal advice.
A local counsel or professional should always be consulted in regards to any legal matters.
"a passion for a better divorce℠" - established in 1996
© 1996 - 2013 Divorce Source, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Previous
Index
Next
Flat
Edit
Reply
Quote
