Loc: West Virginia
Twas the night before Christmas...
12/24/04 11:52 AM
Twas da night before Christmas in Ericís motherís house,
and nuttin' was stirrin'- Eric was dumped by his spouse.
His mother was upstairs drifting off to sleep
wit' visions of wonder how she gave birth to that creep.
Da lithium was stocked near Ericís bed wit care
in the hopes dat da fruitcake would take his fair share.
And in da far corner it was lovely to see
the beer cans stacked next to his government cheese.
Fresh from the jail for violating parole,
he snuggled up to his computer to promote his misogynist goals.
Then alluva sudden da house starts to shudder,
some nut's on da roof and he broke da rain gutter.
He jumps down the chimney and swears cause it's tight
As Eric hides behind beer cases, way outta sight.
He lands in da fireplace scorching his hair
on a busted up orange crate dats still burniní dere.
He climbs outta da fireplace and Eric takes a long look,
he's just like they show him in his coloring book.
With vodka-glazed eyes and his mouth all agape,
itís Barnaby Batman in tights and cape.
His teeth when he smiles look like Grampa's weed-saw,
and his outfitís so tight, you can see heís Jewish by law.
This drunken old man wearing rapelling gear
tawt he had landed in D.C. to make a publicity smear.
He kills off a six pack realizing his mistake
then belches and smirks and takes a quick break.
Eric soon joins da Batman under da tree
offering, quite quickly, to be his Boy Wonder for free!
Dey look at each udder wití understanding glances,
on dis night of all nights what were da chances?
Cradling Ericís cheeks in his large calloused hands,
Barnaby Batman that night would make Eric a man.
Several hours later, da bat sobers up and he knows
disí just wonít work, so up da chimney he goes.
He grunts and groans but as he starts to lag
he cracks such a beer fart (ugh) Eric starts to gag.
His heart wrenched in pity, Eric rushes outside,
and looks up at da roof feeliní all busted inside.
And what does he see when he looks through da twigs?
A rusted out chrysler, pulled by eight feminazi pigs!
Batman jumped in and he gave 'em all hell,
"Let's go all yous pigs, don't just sit there and smell!
On Mary and Susie and Misty and Jo
and all a you's others what names I don't know.
Fly over da river and turn to da right,
we make DC by happy hour and get tanked tonite.
Den he exclaimed with a cynical sneer
"Dem FIRM members is crazy when you run outta beer!!"
Thanks again go to Maury at divorceinstitute.com. ;-)
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