Hi. I'm new here and I enjoy reading all of the posts. It makes me feel not so all alone.
I totally understand most of the feelings we are all experiencing, to bring us to this wonderful sight.
I had a few thoughts about things in your post. As you know, from my initial posts, I have been divorced for over 5 years now. My kids were young when I moved on from an abusive sick man. I decided not to let my kids grow up around the monster I married. It was rough back then, to be a single mom but, in my case, even though I lost my dream of a happy family, I was done, done, done and not looking back. I was ready to deal with the healing process of living with abuse. And, so I did. I had no time to date and just spent all of my time with my kids, family , friends,and my self.
Well, after many years I felt ready to date and met a man, with whom I just ended the relationship with. I thought I was "healed" and that my "self esteem" was in check.
I got involved and realized immediately, that it wasn't. So, I repeated the same thing as in my marriage; made excuses for his behavior, felt I deserved it, and tolerated much more than I ever should have. I realized that the relationship was not making me feel good about "me". But, I stayed, for many reasons, mostly because I didn't want to believe that I chose another disordered person.Also, I didn't want to be alone. Deep down, I still didn't feel good about myself still. I realized this but kept trying to work things out, with more and more red flags coming up as time went by; ie: lying, being selfish,etc..
Anyway, after 2 yrs of back and forth, I have finally felt strong enough to end it. He pulled one last fast one on me, and now its over. And, I really don't feel badly about it. I have built up a great support group of friends and family in the two years we were together. This is key to surviving a bad relationship and moving on.
We can't do it alone. We need support. We need to talk to others and vent, people who understand.
I think it all comes down to learning to love and honor yourself, and to look back as the experience we HAD to go through to finally learn what we don't want in our lives.
I love myself too much to allow anyone or anything make me feel worthless. I don't want anyone around me that isn't devoted to me as a person. These people don't deserve to have me in their lives. There are just too many people on this earth who will see me for who I am and love me to death, as I love myself.
Ending a relationship with someone who is not devoted to you is the beginning of a life of making room for someone who is; who does feel honored to having you in their life.
This journey on earth goes quickly. This is how I look at things now, as I am getting older. And, what we think in our heads, is how we feel. So, its all about that.
This morning I woke up, after ending a turbulent relationship, and I didn't feel alone. I actually felt good about my decision to wipe out a person that really doesn't deserve me in their life; a person who didn't appreciate what he had. I just know, that now that he is out of my life, there is room for new opportunities to bring new people into my life. In time it will happen, because I will make it happen. I will attract positive people into my life, because I feel positive about myself. Call it the law of attraction, or call it out with the old and in with the new. All I know is that when the negative leaves, the positive will appear. Its a fact of life.
I know this post is long, but its how I feel now, and I just see a positive outlook. I will only be alone if I choose that. As, I said, if you feel good about who you are, you will attract that in your life.
I'm not going to look back with any regrets, because all of our experience, our choices, and our decisions, ultimately were in our lives because we needed to have them, to grow and learn to be a better person.
Looking forward to bigger and better things coming into my life to replace the old and finished business.
Thanks for listening.