bacall
enthusiast
Reged: 06/03/05
Posts: 274
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Re: restlessness...
04/12/10 02:47 PM
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I wrote a lengthy, rambling (who, me?) reply to your post and then deleted it accidentally. So, hopefully, this response will make more sense (it is merely a hope...).
The self-evident is always true. It seems that at the beginning of the divorce "process" (as it has been dubbed), there is so much confusion, so much pain and hurt and disbelief, that all of us heal at a different pace. My healing is far from complete. I always believed marriage was forever and that ideal has been a difficult one to reconcile with what has happened to my life. It has been interesting to read your reflections and your thoughts on restlessness are particularly insightful.
I think, like many others have posted, that many of us feel somewhat the way you do. I can't imagine ever being married again. I believe in marriage and I believe in the "for better, for worse... till death do us part." Apparently, that is not a sentiment shared by many today. Saying that, I have now been alone long enough to also realize that spending the rest of my life alone is certainly going to be -- well, let's sum it up in one word -- awful (that is the best word that comes to mind).
I know some people seem to either just find the "right" one after divorce, some people rush into another marriage for a variety of reasons, some people are so burned they never try again and then there are probably more people like me than I've ever appreciated -- the people who take a long time and still don't know what they want. But, I think all of us -- married, single, widowed, divorced -- all just want to connect with people in a meaningful way and I do believe that most people want a (let's call it...) "special" person who is intrinsically connected with them. I think that is an after effect of divorce. There is a comfort in having another human being to share one's life and when that is taken from you, or removed from you by someone else's choice -- it takes a while to evaluate all of that and come to terms with what it might be that you need.
I also think that the restlessness feature is particularly strong in the spring. Somewhat like the teenage years. I think all divorced people live in a cocoon-like stage for awhile. You seem to be making tentative moves out of yours.
Again, thanks for a thought-provoking post!
Take care, bacall
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