Natalie_Taylor
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/10
Posts: 4
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Re: Losing my best friend
08/02/10 05:04 PM
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I know I run the risk of being bombarded with hate posts, but I am new here and no one knows my story and it would take a long time to unveil it all. I am a former cheater and unlike SADAD, no, one can become one and then unbecome one in my "special" case.
I want to speak to several things for the OP.
1- 3 years is a looong time and if there is any remnant of her heart left, it will take a LONG time to grow back.
2- DO go to SEX counseling and emotional counseling and find out these 2 things (based on MY own POV)- Why did she come to disrespect you so much to be able to do that to you? What is it about sex with you that she does not like?
I'm not shy about talking about SEX anymore so you can PM in private and I will give you very honest and direct answers.
In my situation my excuses I used were that he was horrible and selfish in bed, that I can't leave b/c of the kids though would like to, and that I disrespected him for being an unmotivated lazy possibly cheating imbecile. I wandered out for 6 months into pointless "NSA" affairs and it was HORRIBLE! My nature is to be loyal- a dog/canine type- vs the feline type which MOST cheaters are. They never really are loyal to anyone and just PRETEND to be a dog. Or, they go wolf and want a new pack to run with- a new alpha male. I was heading that direction. I want to be loyal to SOMEONE and another man having an affair in HIS wife was no way to find a deserving partner. It was the most ridiculous thing I ever did in my life. But, I did learn this- My last liason - though it was completely "NSA" and he didn't even want to talk with me after to avoid a connection, he MADE LOVE to me the way I always fantasized and I FELT how I SHOULD feel with my own spouse. It was a devastating realization to find out I never even felt that deep of a (fake) passion or love for him, even in the beginning. I hated even kissing him b/c he flicked his tongue like a snake- but thought my care and love would not find that important. Every person is in touch with their sexual being in a different way- some more repressed than others. For most women, sex is an expression of love and tied to emotion. I doubt she's the cat/feline pure NSA type. There was emotion and feeling of being passionately in love in that affair. That's why she kept going back. If you really want her back, swallow your pride and every thing you thought you knew about being a "good" lover and learn how to have sex as she likes it. My spouse is trying, but we are so incompatible I have to have patience. He likes to be TOLD what to do which makes me feel like I'm with a juvenile. (Notice the lack of respect and reasons?) If I want him to stroke my body, I have to ASK, EVERY time! If I don't he won't do it, b/c he likes to be told. Either way, it's his type of sex- being told or not being told and just doing what he wants. Our prudish puritanical culture denies so much of how important sex is in our marriages- if it wasn't then affairs would NOT involve so much SEX!!! Get intuned to what makes her feel beautiful, sensual, desired, wanted and pleased. If you go about sex same-old-same-old she will just have another affair or leave. Me? I'm giving this relationship a good honest year of REALLY trying and telling him exactly what I want and why I don't respect him. I'm not perfect so I am working on where I lacked like in appreciating him and giving praises and being happy that he does show me love using his own "love language" though it's different from mine. If I am still unhappy, I will let him know, and should I be single I will NOT have intercourse until at least engagement to regain some of my honor back- which is practically nothing. Oh, and take care of YOURSELF and your home. My spouse lets the weeds grow, spends $4k on his hobby- he's checked out too in his own way- but I stopped nagging and he's now helping around the house more. Again, find out WHAT made her lose her respect for you and what is so bad for her in bed that sex is not love anymore?
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