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Curt551
journeyman


Reged: 03/23/10
Posts: 82
Re: Too many mistakes
      08/12/10 07:04 AM

Cougarjg,

Divorce and the associated break up is a brutal thing on everyone concerned. You did make some mistakes... some pretty serious ones that you will have to try to either undo or live with. The largest was blaming the children, though I don't know which response raises my eyebrow more... mom saying 'take the kids' as if she doesn't want them (based on the children's perspective that she cares more about the boyfriend than them) or you telling them its their fault. Kids of that age already will believe its their fault without adult assistance.

That said...

Divorce causes people to do things they would not normally do, feel things they would not normally feel, and think in ways they would not normally think. The cutting edge of this is not so much what you think or feel but what you actually do about it. You made some bad choices. Making good choices from here on out is a good thing.

As far as the email and cell phone is concerned, I probably differ from some folks on the board. I don't believe email accounts or cell phones are private property in a marriage. I would have no problem with my would be spouse reading ANY of my email or text messages or checking the phone numbers in my phone. I would prefer she ask me about whatever was bothering her and I would freely give her any of the information she was seeking but I don't consider any of the above my private domain. My ex had more than 150 emails from her beau on our office computer sandwhiched between emails to vendors. I discovered them while looking for an invoice for a purchase I made earlier... quite a shock to say the least haha. She had already told me that there was another guy but it didn't make the discovery any easier particularly when it was truly by accident. She complained that I'd invaded her privacy at which time I calmly suggested that there shouldn't be that sort of privacy in a marriage and that it was her own guilt and embarassment about having it discovered that was causing her issue. Simple logic would suggest that I would see those emails when I reviewed accounts. I could have sent some of the juicy ones to a lot of people but, here again, its not what you feel like doing, its what you actually do that matters. Its important for your own self concept as well as those that stand by you and the innocent by-standers that you take the high road rather than roll in the muck for everyone to see. All you really accomplish by rolling in the muck is distracting attention from your ex and making yourself look foolish.

I think counseling is a good thing and am happy for you and your children that you are attending. Love those kids with all of your heart. They are far more precious than you may realize at this point in your life. There is nothing quite like a child's love. Nurtured, it is one of the most amazing and enduring joys a person could hope to be graced by. Its really your choice... they can become a reminder of the failed relationship or they can become truly your family... your choice.

I'll be praying for those kids and that you make the right choice.

Curt

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Entire topic
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Too many mistakes cougarjg 08/05/10 05:21 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes ByHisGrace   08/06/10 08:15 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes cougarjg   08/07/10 02:51 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes ByHisGrace   08/08/10 12:00 AM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes Wagntail   08/06/10 01:43 AM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes rocketgirl   08/05/10 08:30 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes cougarjg   08/05/10 05:31 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes BeachBabeRN   08/05/10 06:41 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes cougarjg   08/08/10 11:50 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes BeachBabeRN   08/09/10 05:27 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes Curt551   08/12/10 07:04 AM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes fossilman   09/13/10 08:45 PM
. * * Re: Too many mistakes Curmudgeon   08/05/10 10:51 PM

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