palmel1234
journeyman
Reged: 03/05/10
Posts: 93
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Re: Ex Having FIT over visiting friends staying w/us!
08/28/10 01:33 PM
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So it's your ex that's involving the kids in things, huh?
Gosh, that sucks, and the way he interrogated them was way out of line.
So what do you do? Here's my experience: I'm currently separated from my STBX. Since he refused to move out of the house, I had to take our two children and move into an apartment. I'm currently dating someone. My state says you're not even supposed to date until the divorce is final, but as far as I'm concerned my marriage was over long before I even moved out. But even so, if my ex found out I was seeing someone he could try and get me for adultry.
My two daughters are 12 and 4, and they understand if daddy found out I was dating someone he might get violent, so they know not to tell daddy that I'm seeing someone. So far they haven't said anything, and everything is fine. No one gets mad, no agruments, and I don't have to worry about him trying to take the kids from me.
So that's how I deal with my STBX. I just don't tell him, and the kids know not to tell him either. Even the 4 year old has never spilled the beans, evne though she adores my boyfriend and he spends more time with them than their deadbeat dad ever does. Now some might question my character and say I'm teaching my kids to lie, but that's not what I'm doing. I'm not telling them to lie, I'm merely telling them not to say anything about my boyfriend to their dad. What he doesn't know won't hurt him or me, or our kids!!
On top of that I recently found he was cheating on me while we were still together and he was still trying to get into my pants so I don't feel bad at all about not telling him.
And that's basically what I was trying to say before, I'm sorry if it appeared I came down hard on you. I know your kids had a great time with their friends and want to tell their dad, but I think if you explain to your kids that even though they might want to tell daddy things, it is only going to cause problems and it's better that he not know.
JUST DON'T TELL HIM!! You're right you don't need his permission to have friends over. And you don't have to tell him anything either! While it's too late in this situation, now you know for future reference and I seriously doubt he can use this situation to take the kids away or anything like that. I would look in your court order to see if it says anything about either party making bad remarks about the other party. I'm sure there should be something in there about that and maybe you can use that to get him to leave the kids out of it.
Good luck to you!!
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