lostnsd
recently joined
Reged: 10/14/10
Posts: 1
|
Not sure what to do
10/14/10 01:54 PM
|
|
|
Hi all,
I kinda stumbled upon the site by googling "is divorce worth it" and came here. I decided to register and do some reading. Perhaps I am just looking to vent...I know I don't know where to turn...or even if I did how to get there. But I did feel the urge to type.
My wife and I celebrated(??) our 17th wedding anniversary this past September. But I'm too the point of just walking out and not looking back. She hasn't cheated...and for the record neither have I. Although if I had/were part of me feels like this would be a bit easier.
Oh man...how do I begin? When I got engaged...I had a co-worker tell me about the "love bank". Basically...it was make sure to make daily deposits into your "love bank" with your spouse...ensuring that the account never went dry...and that there were "funds" when times got tough. He and his wife were together for nearly 50 years at the time...and the way they looked at each other...man...you just knew that their love for each other was stronger and deeper than it was at the beginning. I took that advice to heart...and when my fiance (now wife) at the time met him...he talked about the "love bank" again.
I set about figuring out how to make my daily deposits. I made sure every day I told her what she meant to me. Unless I was out of town, she never had to worry about putting any gas into vehicles, whether maintenance needed to be done to them, or whether any bills needed to be covered. I worked shift work...so if I was working the evening shift supper was waiting in the frig. Because she hates mornings...I was always the first one up. If she needed a lunch for her work..I put it together. There were times I put "cute" notes in the lunchbox. I made suppers, cleaned...basically did whatever I thought would make her life just a little easier that day. Yeah...she was the center of my universe. One of my biggest joys was taking the time to send her flowers. Got my heart broke too many times by her saying "they were nice, thanks" that I don't do that anymore.
But in the last year or so I've realized that her "love bank" account is empty. There have been so many times when I've cuddled up to her only to be told "not tonight", "not in the mood", "don't feel good", "wrong time of the month", etc that I don't try anymore. The feeling of rejection just gets worse and worse. For anniversaries I get a card. She's told me at times she was just too busy to get something at the time, or we just didn't have the money. I try to make a point of pointing out "small" things leading up to our anniversary (or christmas, birthday, etc) that I would like. $10 DVD movies, a new chamois, etc. I don't mean to sound shallow. When I am looking for something for her for christmas/anniv/birthday...I put so much thought into it. I really try to find something that shows I put thought, attention and time into it. It doesn't have to be expensive, just that I paid attention to her. I don't get the same feeling back. There have been numerous times when I was told "just go get what you want" for your anniversary. I suppose must guys would be thrilled at that. I can't be. It just tells me that I'm not that important to her. Another example would be a couple of weeks prior to an anniversary...I get asked over and over "what do I want?". Too me...thats just the same as telling me to go get what I want. I just want to yell "listen to me". This past summer I was out driving around with my oldest daughter when she pulled into the local DQ and bought me an ice cream cone. When I asked why...she said it was for Fathers Day. I just cried. She doesn't work...so any money she has comes from babysitting, serving mass or funerals, etc. A $2 ice cream cone just rocked my world because it came from my daughters heart, because it was genuine. She couldn't understand why I cried and all I did was hug her and tell her how blessed I was to have her as my daughter. I hope that doesn't sound too hokey. My wife's actions on the other hand just tell me that she isn't listening to me. Her actions tell me that she just isn't physically interested in me anymore. I've started having a beer or two(really thats all) just to replace the pain I feel with general numbness. The numbness is better than the pain.
I know I need to sit down with her and throw this all out there. I tried that once...told her I don't know where I stand in her universe, that I feel like I don't have a wife or partner anymore...but almost like having a 3rd daughter. I honestly don't feel like she "has my back" and I take no joy from any of my accomplishments at work simply because it seems like I have nobody to celebrate them with. Things were ok for a couple weeks after that initial conversation...but have gone back in the crapper. If I were to tell her that I am thinking about divorce...she would cry and truthfully...that would just tear me up. But I just don't know how much longer I can keep dealing with the heartache and pain.
LostnSD
|
|
0 registered and 2 anonymous users are browsing this forum.
Moderator: dsAdmin
|
Forum Permissions
You cannot start new topics
You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled
UBBCode is disabled
|
Rating:
Thread views: 2471
|
|
|
|
|
|
UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1
|
Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator
Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!
|
|
|
|
|
The information contained on this page is not to be considered legal advice.
A local counsel or professional should always be consulted in regards to any legal matters.
"a passion for a better divorce℠" - established in 1996
© 1996 - 2013 Divorce Source, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Previous
Index
Next
Flat
Edit
Reply
Quote
