Spinning_Wheel
recently joined
Reged: 11/01/10
Posts: 8
Loc: Ohio
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Need a Woman's Point of View
11/01/10 11:12 AM
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Hello to all users in the forum... first time posting. I would appreciate feedback or suggestions from anyone having been down the troubled relationship road I am now travelling. I have been working with a therapist but am having some difficulty in seeing things from my spouse's point of view. It seems that alot of members give a little background about themselves so here's mine:
I am 36 and currently married (9+ years) to a woman of the same age. No children. As the familiar story goes... first 3 or 4 years were great, things started "cooling off" the next few years, now it appears as if we are in a marriage of convenience. We basically get along most of the time, have a few arguements monthly, and are both generally unhappy. She and I are personable hard-working people and act more like individuals than a couple nowadays.
I feel that we have been growing apart as friends and as a couple over the last 2+ years. Our communication is not very effective, we have few shared long-term goals, and we have recently started counseling together to attempt to figure out why we are the way we are.
To be fair, I must also mention that I feel she is getting more out of being in this marriage than I am, that I have alot of anger directed towards her (I cannot seem to pinpoint exactly why), and that I really don't enjoy spending time together. Two months ago we had a discussion about seperating but decided to work on our issues. We are very distant emotionally, affectionately, intimately, and in our lifestyles it seems as well. I made the comment to her recently that I feel as if she would be just as happy being married to somone else as long as he was a decent guy so long as she would still be married. This is not something I find appealing. I have also come to realize she is somewhat smothering and demanding as a spouse as well as a "housemate" with most events having to take place on her schedule. I am more of a spontaneous person. Another issue I have difficulty with is that she talks about her work constantly when we are together. I understand that a spouse should be interested or at least listen to the other's concerns but the dialogue turns into a monologue every night and is overwhelming.
I'm sure I contribute to this as well... My wife says I am cold and distant (I really am at this point), that I don't listen to her (I agree up to a point), and that I'm not willing to change (I don't agree). I also don't inititate sex because I don't feel attracted to her emotionally anymore. She holds this against me and I admit it isn't fair but I just don't feel it.
I don't want to make a hasty decision to end our marriage. I guess I am having trouble seeing the trees through the forest in a manner of speaking - through her eyes. We have discussed all of these issues numerous times but it doesn't seem like they are getting any better since we started working 2 months ago. Please let me know your thoughts. Thanks.
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Patience is a virtue I thought I had...
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