Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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Re: Need a Woman's Point of View
11/01/10 04:11 PM
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I can relate to your post, sort of been there, done that. And it is sad when this happens in a relationship. The fact that you are going to counseling is probably a good step but make sure its the right type of counseling. Modifying your behaviours rather than pour out all your feelings may work better.
It sounds like life has just taken over, work, the pressures of it can do that, no kids which in your case doesn't add to it.
You mention lack of intimacy, in my experience thats a real deal killer. Couples need to interact emotionally and intimately. Yes there are situations when they can't for serious reasons but this isn't one of them. Growing apart seems to happen to couples unless they start to recognize and catch it.
Are you both committed to saving the marriage? Taking a day together where you do something you both used to enjoy together, the focus is to recapture what brought you together in the first place, somewhere/somehow that got lost. Try small things an afternoon, rather than some large chunk of time where you are miserable. As for not wanting to be intimate, try it and you may be surprised. Its hard when we get angry/frustrated by the person we live with but if we can try to let it go its so much better.
I lived ths life with my X and eventually he moved on to the OW and left. I see now outside of it, what happened, alot of what you describe...we just lost what we had...and lived like roomates.
I am in a new relationship now and both of us are working to do it better the second time. Make time for fun, trips, intimacy, things you both enjoy, hobbies, work will still be there but try to figure out what you both can enjoy and laugh. Its not always great but it works.
I wish you luck.
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