Thanks for all of the information....
The background on DH and SD is very long. What it basically boils down to is at BMs house the rule is ... there are no rules. She can come and go as she pleases, she can do what she wishes, she whines and gets what she wants. She has a friend.
At our house - there are rules. You don't go out unless we know who it's with and where you will be and when you will be returning. You can have friends over however, there will be no boyfriends hanging out in the bedroom as she can at her moms.
She is the only child left from the previous marriage in the house at BMs, she is one of 3 in our home. The same rules apply to all of the girls.
BM also feels as though its her right to set the rules for our house... i.e. we have curfews, set 'bed' (not necessarily sleep) times, but times that the girls need to be getting ready for bed, and other small things, there are no TVs, food or drinks in the bedroom, those things belong in common areas, etc. However, again, these rules don't apply at BMs, hence the bugs and dirty dishes all over the house.
SD simply likes having her mother be a friend rather then growing up, and she feels as though if she becomes a mother, can be emancipated, then she won't have to see her father and/or follow any rules.
It's been like this for years, it's nothing new, not to us anyhow. There is no reasoning with SD, and no possibility of talking with BM to try to rectify, find a solution or any kind of common ground.
So, yeah - it might seem sad that i am asking about CS, but the reality of it all is, DH is not going to have a say in his daughter's life, he's used to that. Hopefully when she does grow up, and become a parent she will realize that he was simply doing what he thought would help her become a better adult, responsible, trustworthy, etc. You can't teach a child anything just by being their friend.
Thanks again for the info.