Well there is our rational side, our emotional side, our business side, analytical side...many ways to accept our lot in life. Yes the emotional side is disappointed and hurting when our partner leaves us, but the gut for some of us tells us let it go... the partners that leave make it clear they have discarded us, not taken their vows seriously and moved on. The rationale side accepts that but the emotions don't.
Its hard to move on right away when you are the one left...but moving ahead and working towards getting past it is the best approach. Re living it in your head, hoping that it will work, or what went wrong really doesn't work unless the one left had some serious issues. It gets more complicated if you have kids, lots of stuff and years of a life together.
Keep posting here as it is a good outlet to share, vent, be sad, mad, etc. The posters here have been there and done that and everyone can provide some good advice, insight and experience that may help.
If you dont feel bad then don't worry about it but as you kind of indicate, it could come out years later from a suppressed issue. Counseling may help that.
All of us deserve to be in a relationship where our partners love us, cherish us and want to make it work. When the other one has left, it just isn't going to work. Your wife made her choice and has moved on.
You can pick up the pieces, one by one, look at them, examine them and use the analysis to figure out what you want to do. For some it takes longer, you need to give yourself time to heal but one day you will wake up and it won't be the first thing you think of.
I was with my X for almost 30 yrs, he left for OW. It hurt and was very sad. Now ten yrs later, I am over it, I actually see my X from time to time and to be quite honest I feel nothing and can talk to him, without feeling one shred of emotion. In fact last week I saw him at a place I didn't expect anyone I knew to be and he had to approach me because you see I didn't even recognize him. So it does get better...the best in your life is still there.
Having gone through this it may make you stronger and more focused on the next time...figure out what you want..and dont settle for less.
the fact that you accepted her problem for so many years, geesh dont do that again...