Mid life crisis is what it is. And if he had died, I would have a million dollars in life insurance, 2million if it were an accident. Plus a year of his pay from work. And yes, he's at Fairfax in KS, we live in MO, transferred from Wentzville, and 3k a month would cover it. 21yr old has a job, pays rent, her own car insurance and some food.
I just don't know how I was supposed to assume I would maybe someday be in this position. My ENTIRE life HAS been tied to their raising in EVERY way for 15 years. I would NEVER have had 8 kids by a sperm donor or as a single mom, and I would never up and leave a marriage and try to do it on my own at their pain and expense. My choices were not based on possible worst case scenarios, but on promises made by a man who swore for better or worse, til death. These kids were promised a dad, not a rock star. Why should his broken promises and selfishness not force HIM have to do the extra work? It's senseless for me to go out to work to make just enough to pay for daycare for 3 kids (and once I'm working, even for min wage, we won't qualify for most benefits, when the 21 year old's and my income is factored in). Why should I be the one working from 7pm to 5am, get up at 7am with the kids and put in a 12 hour day being a mom, while he gets to sleep all day? And no, he isn't the kind of dad I can leave here with them while I work. Last time he talked to the 8 year old on the phone he told her that the reason he can't come home is because I hit him all the time. And he won't feed them--says it's not his job to cook. He has just lost his mind. That's all I can imagine. And I just need to find a way to keep my kids from losing their mom to a job after thy have lost their dad to a stupid guitar. And maybe, just maybe, he will wake up before they give up on him.