First off, we are setting aside the money that would be owed, so we are covered. But it isn't my husband and I that has me upset - aside from not being able to do something as simple as re-instate an order of support. It's the idea this woman is willing to place herself and her son in financial hardship for the sake of "punishing" some one who isn't going to be "punished" in the end. It's idea that the child shouldn't be made to suffer in any way, to my way of thinking.
As to why arrearages would be owed, I'm assuming this. The order for support ended 6/16/11. At least, that's when my husband received the phone call. To my calculations, my husband's ex received a total of $2,064 in support payments during the time we had my SS living with us. (Except for one week of Spring Break, when he was staying with his mother) She re-imbursed us a total of $900 during that period, leaving a balance owed of $1,164. I've calculated that if my husband did not pay support through 8/5/11, we would have been paid back this balance. This isn't allowing for any support she might have been directed to pay to us. So, I'm thinking my husband should have been paying support from the 2nd week of August forward. That would put him behind 8 weeks, or a total of $1,376. Of course, I don't know if the court's calculations are the same. My husband's ex has stated she knows my husband owes support from 6/20/11.
As far as my husband not seeing his son, this has been difficult. The fact is, my SS does not want to see/visit his father, at all. There is a long history to this, and I can't say my husband is completely blameless. However, throughout my SS's life his father has always been held up as the "punisher," and the threat of going to live at his father's house was always held up as the ultimate in punishment for bad behavior. The time when my SS lived with us, it was as if his nightmare came true. He had a bedtime, he didn't have a TV in his room, we do not have XBox or PS3, he wasn't allowed to monopolize the TV in the living room, he was made to keep up with his school (and we kept in touch with his teacher/principal), he wasn't allowed to live off a diet of junk/fast food, he never got away with his lies. Life with us was a complete 180 from life with his mom. The only difference with us is that we didn't yell at him, we didn't call him names, and we didn't lock him out of the house because he was irritating us.
I know the next question is: why not take all this to court to get him away from his mother? Several reasons. My SS will never give up his mother. He will protect her to anyone outside of family. While he may tell us and his adult sister what goes on, he will never say a word to anyone else. He lives in total fear that his mother will separate from him - hence, the total fear of being forced to live with dad. It's not just that we have rules he has to follow, there is this weird anxiety that she will separate from him and no longer want him around. However, she has done this same exact thing with her 2 adult daughters and her toddler grandson - it's a pattern.
My husband and I do feel we could probably get enough together to force a custody issue. Even my SS's adult sister has come to realize her brother is not in the best of places and would be better off with us (though she, too, fears her mother), however, if my SS comes to us in a forced situation - while still having any contact with his mother, who undermines any attempt we make at rules - he will fight and resist, and work on his mother until she takes him back. No matter how much they fight, argue, call each other names, and they do. My SS has stated to my husband, to me, and to his sister he hates his relationship with his mom. Yet, when he is told all he has to do is make one simple phone call to his dad, he won't do it. None of us can figure this out. I've even talked to the social workers I work with.
The other problem? My husband's ex and totally pull herself together in public. When people hear from her son or her daughter about things she has done, and they meet her, they can't believe it's the same woman. And they believe my SS and his sister are lying. Truly, my SS has to be the one to say, "I've had enough, and I'm not going to do this anymore." My husband seems to think this moment will come. I hope so. I only hope it won't be too late.