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elliesmom
Carpal \'Tunnel

Reged: 11/07/05
Posts: 8835

Re: Mom's dilemna

11/03/11 01:26 PM

Who said anything about handholding? What a BS idea.

A person (father, mother, what have you) cannot exert parental influence in 4 days a month (not even really 2 uninterrupted days a month is more like it) unless the person who has the other 26-28 days elevates their opinions and influence during their time. BTDT. Sad but true. My husband loves his daughter just as much as our kids, but he has zero influence over her life. She can wear all the skanky clothes her mother finds acceptable, let her bf treat her like cr@p while her mom is friending him on FB and cooing over how great he is, post as many skanky pictures on FB with her tongue in a guys mouth while in her bed together that her mother sees and approves of. All the while her mother has conditioned her to believe that anyone who really loves her will always approve of her every whim. He is in a corner with zero influence. It happens when you see your kid a couple days a month. And that is not a parent. Doesn't matter that you drive 8 hrs round trip for every sport/music event your kid is in, that you love them more than your own life, are in touch with every teacher and use the online program to always know what is going on with school, that you chat with them on FB so they keep you in the loop on their life at least once a week. Their choices are based on who has the influence. And at 2 days a month it isn't you. It is pretty hard to even set an example when they are only in your life for the 2 days off you have. And that is not a parent. That is a visitor. And that is what happens to good parents who end up with the typical "eow" schedule, UNLESS the other parent is willing to work with them - instead of relishing every opportunity to drive a wedge and be the favorite parent. And lets face it if most couples worked well together - they'd still be married. At least when 50-50 is the standard to deviate from - you see parents who want it get more than eow. I rarely hear of straight up 50-50 even in our state with the law. Usually the parents sit down and iron out what works best and what they can live with - with no one worried they need a shark lawyer to make sure they don't totally lose their kids. You know - mom gets off work at 4 so she whould have every wednesday since she is the only one who can get the kids to soccer. Or mom wants to take college classes tuesday night so the kids will be at dads every tuesday. That is what I see happening in my state with the law. Its not a universal application - it is the starting negotiating point. As it should be.

--------------------
Forgiveness is...letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.

Post Extras

Entire topic
Subject	Posted by	Posted on
Mom's dilemna	samatha	10/24/11 07:05 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	SRS	10/26/11 07:39 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Anything4Love	10/27/11 12:44 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/27/11 03:18 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/27/11 04:42 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	BeckaLeigh	11/01/11 07:34 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 10:06 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	BeckaLeigh	11/01/11 11:27 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 11:49 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	BeckaLeigh	11/02/11 12:34 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/27/11 04:52 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	ssmom79	10/28/11 08:58 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/28/11 10:15 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/29/11 07:49 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/29/11 07:34 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	10/29/11 10:39 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/29/11 07:39 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	M5M5	10/30/11 02:01 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/30/11 10:29 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	M5M5	10/30/11 06:01 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/30/11 07:48 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 10:02 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 08:28 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 06:37 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	M5M5	10/31/11 12:33 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	11/01/11 06:47 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 08:36 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/01/11 11:38 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	elliesmom	11/01/11 12:51 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	gr8Dad	11/01/11 10:12 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 10:30 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	gr8Dad	11/01/11 10:52 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 11:06 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	gr8Dad	11/01/11 11:08 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 11:19 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	gr8Dad	11/01/11 12:47 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 01:25 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	elliesmom	11/01/11 02:41 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 09:04 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	elliesmom	11/02/11 11:24 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 06:37 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 11:38 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	11/02/11 12:10 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	ssmom79	11/02/11 12:21 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 12:58 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	elliesmom	11/02/11 01:25 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 02:02 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 04:37 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 06:41 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 06:49 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 06:52 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 06:56 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 07:05 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 04:54 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 05:00 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 05:01 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 05:02 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 05:04 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 05:05 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 05:07 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	gr8Dad	11/02/11 10:16 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 06:36 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 10:17 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	ssmom79	11/02/11 08:11 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 06:32 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	ssmom79	11/03/11 08:24 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	M5M5	11/02/11 07:47 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	gr8Dad	11/02/11 10:26 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Redlegg	11/02/11 08:48 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	gr8Dad	11/01/11 01:43 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 01:45 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 06:58 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 07:54 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 12:45 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 02:30 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 02:36 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	10/30/11 12:28 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	M5M5	10/30/11 06:01 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	10/30/11 01:30 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/30/11 07:43 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/30/11 12:46 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	10/30/11 01:56 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/30/11 07:44 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 02:21 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 02:14 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	10/30/11 02:24 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 02:47 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 02:24 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 02:36 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	10/30/11 02:30 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	elliesmom	10/30/11 12:53 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/30/11 07:40 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	elliesmom	10/30/11 09:52 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 07:44 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	11/01/11 05:55 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/01/11 09:08 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	11/02/11 07:00 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 07:16 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	11/02/11 07:25 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 07:43 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 08:02 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 08:07 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 08:20 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 08:59 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	11/02/11 10:21 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 10:23 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 07:55 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 07:07 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	11/02/11 07:16 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 07:22 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 07:20 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	11/02/11 07:27 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	11/02/11 07:30 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	11/02/11 07:45 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	elliesmom	11/03/11 01:26 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	M5M5	11/03/11 05:51 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	SweetLight	11/04/11 01:14 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 07:33 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/02/11 07:38 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/01/11 06:56 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	11/02/11 07:09 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Sherron	11/02/11 07:15 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/01/11 07:10 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	11/01/11 07:20 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	11/01/11 09:40 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 07:55 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	DedicatedDad	10/30/11 09:47 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	ssmom79	10/30/11 09:18 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/30/11 07:50 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 08:04 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	M5M5	10/30/11 05:59 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/30/11 06:36 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	10/30/11 05:17 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Goodmom	10/29/11 12:27 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	spinnerdegrassi	10/29/11 10:55 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	ssmom79	10/28/11 10:39 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	annieo	10/28/11 09:53 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	youngatheart	10/28/11 11:36 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Debi	10/24/11 10:01 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	Renny	10/24/11 11:33 PM
Re: Mom's dilemna	samatha	10/25/11 01:15 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	c_jane	10/25/11 08:49 AM
Re: Mom's dilemna	javajunkiee	10/24/11 07:32 PM

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