Divorce Source: Today H is upset with me......

Encyclopedia

Checklists

Tools

Downloads

Bookstore

Start Your Divorce Today - Premium Divorce Online

You are not logged in. [Login]
NEW USER Registration

DS Home · Community Forums · All Forums/Msg. Centers
NEW USER Registration · Search Community Forums · Help

Divorce Source Community Forums >> Stepfamily Issues

annieo
veteran

Reged: 07/07/10
Posts: 1413
Loc: Pacific Northwest

Re: Today H is upset with me......

12/03/11 10:46 AM

I asked this in the last post but received no input:

Are you treating her different from your children - she may want to know YOU are there for her and that she is as worthy of your attention and so for as your children are. You are the mom she knows and you appear (may be wrong) push her away and on her dad when you can no longer deal with her (yes dad should help - it is his child) and you do not push yours away - yours act better behaved but they also KNOW you are there ALWAYS and she knows you will pull yourself away when you have had too much - what do you do with your children when you have enough...you deal with them.

If she did not live with you it would be different but you are basically her mom because her bm is rather uninvolved (from what you have said) and she sees you as her mom and you turn her over to dad when you are tired of dealing with her - yet you deal with your children....

I agree taking her today probably isn't the best idea but you can't keep excluding her for your children - do you do one on one time with her?

When my son would act up in the store - I would leave and take him outside if he got it together we would try again but if not we went home. She appears to be begging for limits if dad doesn't set them (although it sounds like he is starting to) then you need to.

If it were me (I know your not) I would quit singling her out from you better behaved children and let her know she will not be passed off just like your children are not passed off.

Dad needs to deal with her today because you have plans and she cannot go but again if it were me I'd take her and show her she is welcome and just deal with her behavior - you sound like you are embarrassed about her - anyone who has kids knows they can be little hooligans at times and continually excluding her will not make it better it will create more resentment.

I have a grandson who has been told he can't return to the boys and girls club and now has been expelled from school - he is in Kindergarten - his mom did not set limits and was more a "friend" then a parent among other things - she is reaping those rewards now and my ss has brought him here to live - he is doing ok so far - he is treated the same as my ss live in girlfriends boys regardless of his behavior and he is learning - its a long road but he is treated no different - it hurts anyone to be treated different then the rest of the children in the household - my mother treated my brother as the favored child - she said she didn't (we talked when I finally asked her about it) and I explained what made me feel that way - and she did not realize what she did to make me feel that way yet recognized that yes I very well may felt that way from her actions (they were not overt actions but subtle little things) and she never would have thought anything of it had I never said anything.

My father died when I was young and I was daddy's little girl so it was difficult for my mom since dad and I always did things together more so them my mom and I and all I wanted was a dad again - maybe your sd wants a mom like your kids have a mom - just a thought

Have fun today with your daughter - it sounds like a great mom and daughter activity and as you said given her age there are few of these times left.

Tomorrow take your sd and do some mother daughter thing with her and show her she is going to be treated as an equal child - just try it and keep at it she is 8 and needs a reliable mom who is willing to set limits and follow through and to be treated the same as the others.

Disclaimer - I am a sm who was very involved in my stepkids upbringing and did not treat any of them differently regardless of behavior - many bm's disagree with this but I was the only mother they could trust and count on - I am a stable consistent in their lives.

Sorry for the novel ;)

Post Extras

Entire topic
Subject	Posted by	Posted on
Today H is upset with me......	lizk0114	12/03/11 08:13 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	elliesmom	12/03/11 05:58 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	TGSM	12/03/11 02:04 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	rocketgirl	12/03/11 01:18 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Arden	12/03/11 01:05 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Miranda	12/03/11 12:08 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Loretta	12/03/11 09:54 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	annieo	12/03/11 10:46 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	BeckaLeigh	12/06/11 03:24 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Tweeby	12/06/11 03:50 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	BeckaLeigh	12/06/11 03:58 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Tweeby	12/06/11 04:19 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	BeckaLeigh	12/06/11 09:02 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	lizk0114	12/06/11 06:07 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Sherron	12/06/11 04:08 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	BeckaLeigh	12/06/11 04:16 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Cassie23	12/03/11 02:26 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	SRS	12/03/11 11:01 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	annieo	12/03/11 11:05 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	SRS	12/03/11 11:31 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Spring	12/03/11 11:41 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Miranda	12/03/11 12:03 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	SRS	12/03/11 12:00 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Spring	12/03/11 12:13 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	SRS	12/03/11 12:45 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Spring	12/03/11 01:11 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Tweeby	12/03/11 12:24 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	c_jane	12/03/11 11:55 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	gr8Dad	12/03/11 02:10 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 01:56 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Redlegg	12/03/11 02:10 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Redlegg	12/03/11 02:12 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	c_jane	12/03/11 04:08 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	gr8Dad	12/03/11 07:54 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 04:38 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	youngatheart	12/03/11 07:01 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Sherron	12/03/11 07:32 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 07:40 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Sherron	12/03/11 07:49 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 07:55 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 08:31 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Sherron	12/03/11 08:40 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 08:51 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Sherron	12/03/11 09:11 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Sherron	12/03/11 07:50 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 07:49 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	SRS	12/03/11 05:02 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 06:09 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Redlegg	12/03/11 06:16 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 06:24 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Redlegg	12/03/11 06:32 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 06:46 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Spring	12/03/11 04:40 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 03:06 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Tweeby	12/03/11 12:27 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	c_jane	12/03/11 01:01 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 01:59 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	LexieBelle	12/03/11 02:46 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	gr8Dad	12/03/11 03:08 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	DedicatedDad	12/03/11 04:08 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Redlegg	12/03/11 04:27 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Tweeby	12/03/11 01:12 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Spring	12/03/11 01:25 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Spring	12/03/11 12:36 PM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Spring	12/03/11 10:21 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	SRS	12/03/11 09:29 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Tweeby	12/03/11 08:53 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Cassie23	12/03/11 09:07 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Arden	12/03/11 09:13 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	lizk0114	12/03/11 09:01 AM
Re: Today H is upset with me......	Sadie	12/03/11 08:30 AM

Extra information

2 registered and 5 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator: dsAdmin

Forum Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is disabled
      UBBCode is disabled

Rating:
Thread views: 3314

Jump to

Divorce Source Home

UBB.threads™ 6.5.1.1

Resources & Tools

	Start Your Divorce Several Options to Get Started Today.		Online Divorce Tools Keeping it Simple to Get the Job Done.
	Download Center Instantly Download Books, Guides & Forms.		Discount Books Over 100 of the Best Divorce & Custody Books.
	Negotiate Online Settle your Divorce and Save.		Custody Scheduling Make Sure You Document Everything.

Easily Connect With a Lawyer or Mediator

Have Divorce Professionals from Your Area Contact You!