lol.. so do I. This instance was less about dd being upset (which she wasn't frankly.. she was extremely cool about it) it was about the principle of the thing. It's just NOT something you do. But this is the first time I've gone outside of general "playdate parenting" and addressed an issue so specifically/directly, directly with the child.
I've only "mommy claw"ed once before. That was with the LAST little girl dd gravitated/latched herself to. Another one who was rude, self-absorbed.. and she tended to be PHYSICALLY aggressive.. and not just with children.. i watched her literally HANG from a gymnastics instructor's neck.. just swinging. Deathgrip.. poor girl, probably only 17 or 18, could NOT get her hands off her neck. After like 5 minutes, Mom FINALLY went in and dragged her kid off. Can't count how many times I'd be sitting on the floor helping pick up a toy and next thing I knew the kid would be on all fours, on top of my back. always in your face, like dd would be eating and she'd literally be THISCLOSE right in dd's face. I gave her a lot of leeway though.. she was a drug addicted baby when she was born, I'm betting ADHD.. just problems. Anyway, they had issues but the final straw was on a playdate at a BK playplace. Girl was TOTALLY rude to dd. Just beyond rude. DD tried to handle it.. girl was just rude. So dd came to me, totally upset. Mom's sitting right next to me.. not a word. So I calmly suggest dd CALMLY get the girl's attention.. ask her whatever it was (I think to actually wait for dd).. Nope. Ignored her. Okay, no problem. Well, wait a minute, she's running around.. try again in a few minutes. DD fairly calmly waits.. tries again to catch her "friend's" attention.. this time child STOPS, looks right at dd, and laughs and runs off again. That was it. DD came completely unhinged. Now, granted dd is not the fastest kid. She has, still has, some gross motor delays.. still getting up to speed, and we now know, she's asthmatic. the other child, is abnormally fast. Like, throw caution to the wind, don't care if I kill myself.. EVER.. fast. And that's fine, but don't be totally rude about it. SAY you don't want to wait. Whatever. I would have been okay if MOM had said something. Not ONE WORD. Not a peep. After the laughing part I just looked at her and she said, and I quote "well.. it's not MY kid's fault your kid's too [censored] slow". Reallyyyyyy???? Now it's not like this mom isn't WELL aware of dd's history.. and that's your response? The fact I didn't punch her in the face is a miracle to be honest. I've never in my life wanted to deck another human so bad. I very calmly said "True, it's also not my child's fault that she's got some delays and some breathing issues either".. What I got was "oh well.. what do you expect me to do about it?" Again,the overwhelming urge to punch her in the face I managed to control and simply said "well, I'd EXPECT you to not let your daughter to be completely RUDE". When it was HER kid at my daughter's party and she was crying in a corner b/c she didn't know anyone, I was the one dragging my kid away from her friends and saying "ummm, you DO have a friend here who doesn't know anyone.. you need to introduce her around, make her feel comfortable.. right now she's crying in a corner and you're being rude not introducing her to the other people you know" and voila! Dd went and got her, introduced her and all was well. She had a great time, no problem. I just do NOT get how people operate.
I do notice a common thing.. these kids are takers. They're more than happy to have you do stuff for them.. take them places.. whatever.. give them stuff (I can't even count how many clothes I gave away to the first kid..insane amounts of stuff which was fine, I was happy to do it.. stuff didn't fit dd, fit her perfect, HAPPY that it went to someone who could get use out of it) but god forbid you expect remotely common courtesy? Ohhhh nooooooo.
Anyway, the same process happneed with that girl. We stopped playdates after that..After a few months I agreed to one.. against my better judgement and I told dd so but she, again, knew my feelings, and "got it". She was going to give it ONE more try and if it was the same type deal, she would be done. And she did.. and it was the same type deal and dd got up.. took me into another room and said 'can we go now, you were right.. I can't be friends with her, she'll never be nice to me" and we've never spoken to them again. That situation was easier b/c they didn't go to a daycare/prek together.. they were never going to be in school together so there wasn't that constant interaction.
Ex and I talk about the situation a lot, he's well aware. He agrees that i should ask the school to not place dd in EITHER of the girls' classes next year. Shouldn't be that difficult to do, there'll be at LEAST 4 first grade classes.
I also learned tonight that dd HAS tried to stay away from the one girl, but the girl pesters her and then when dd tries to stay away, the girl tattles on her and then dd gets in trouble. The whole "everyone HAS to get along/everyone is 'friends'" nonsense. Umm.. NOOOO, everyone does NOT have to be "friends". They have to be civil and respectful; however, even children are entitled to NOT play with someone if they don't want to. So I'll be addressing that tomorrow morning.