Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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11 years but not counting..
01/07/12 07:20 AM
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Hi dear friends
Its a little over a 11 yrs since my X from a LTM said he needed to leave to find himself...it wasn't until two years ago that I found out that he had been having a 4 yr affair with the woman he is now married to. My reaction when I found out was laughter and the comment do I have sucker written on my head.
The divorce was hard and very sad and I thank each and everyone of you for helping me through that very sad time.
Life now is good, or should I say great. My life is like being a teenager without parents. It took me 6 yrs to be able to venture out and figure out who, what and where I wanted to be.
Yes I met a SO and we have been going good for almost 6 yrs. We dont live close so its a 100 mile away relationship and maybe thats why it works so well.
What the divorce left me with is an independent woman who is blessed with a family, friends and a life that is very content for me. While I have a SO in my life, if that ended I would be fine.
I am very happy for all my friends who are in good marriages and very many of them are. But...then there are those that are not...they stay for whatever the reasons are in marriages or relationships that are not doing so well. I dont have any answers for them, the usual paths to help counseling, etc etc could maybe help them, all I can say is that I am so relieved that I am not involved in that.
As for my X he is married and I do meet them occasionally and find that I really dont have much emotion at all, I am friendly and talk to him, to his wife and thats about it. His choice to leave did splinter the relationship he had/has with our sons. The new wife has a son who is the same age as our youngest and he is the the favorite at least in our sons eyes. That is unsettling to me and a situation that could make me angry if I let it but its not in my control and at the end of the day, it is something my X will have to deal with. Family is family, whether divorced or not and each child should be treated equally.
I believe in happy ever after..even after all divorce puts us threw...my SO tells me I want Disney and yes I do.
I am not always successful but I try to see my world and those in it with a positive approach, and count what blessings I have not what I lost. I am fortunate that I have a good job, my health and the means to do what I wish to do and at times that can be very uplifting. In a way its selfish because I can pretty much as a single woman do whatever I want and not be constrained by anyone else.
I dont have much to offer for those who still have suffering from a marriage ending. I have experienced that and know that it is a huge adjustment, broken dreams, splintered families and feeling alone. Only we can change that perspective. I think I read somewhere that we can hunker down within ourselves to view the world with sadness and fill that void up with self pity, depression, sad things or work to fill it up with flowers, sunshine, happy things (there is my disney coming out)..its hard I know and easier to say than do...but life can be so much better getting up each day and trying to be uplifting and putting on a smile and focusing on that moment than rather what isnt' or what was lost.
Are there still issues in my life that are unsettling? Yes, there are but again trying to just go along works for me and to repeat that trite saying it is what it is. But we can change our view of the world...so thats my story.
I hope that 2012 is a wonderful year for each and every person on these boards. That each of us are able to fulfill our dreams, meet or set new goals and be happy in our lives.
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