Stumped10
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Reged: 01/28/12
Posts: 6
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Paying for college - non-cust father's perspective
01/28/12 07:35 PM
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I'd like to get feedback on my feeling that I shouldn't feel any moral obligation to pay for my son's college tuition (mostly because I think I already have). I think I have a reasonable viewpoint on this so what I'm looking for are any unexpected (reasonable) viewpoints that would make me consider otherwise.
Thanks for any (reasonable) replies!
Do I feel that I need to help pay for college tuition / room& board / books&supplies for my son?
-- No.
Do I feel that I need to help pay ancillary expenses like spending money for my son while in college?
-- Yes.
Circumstances
-- My parents didn't pay for my college tuition -- I had loans when I got out. This was fine with me -- it was my education and I paid for it afterwards. The point here is that I don't think this is in any way an obligation for the parents.
-- I will have paid ~$10k/yr CS for 18 years (mother and I were never married). Even when I had no income for 2 years, I still paid this -- it went on credit cards that i paid off later.
-- Son's mother has been custodial parent for 18 years (i.e., all tax benefits for 18 years).
-- Son's mother got married when he was ~3 yrs. old and they've been married for 8 yrs. Her husband is divorced and has 2 older children for which he pays an unknown amount of CS.
-- I got married when he was ~5 yrs. old and have been married for 6 yrs. I now have a 2 yr. old daughter in addition to my 11 yr. old son.
-- Both families have good salaries and live comfortably -- solidly middle class.
-- I'm 50 and am trying to save every dollar I can for retirement -- I'm way behind.
My position:
-- The CS money I pay is meant to replicate the portion of the expenses I would have paid if we were still a couple... including savings for college (summer camp, housing, clothes, etc.) Medical/dental expenses are over and above and split 50/50.
-- By the time I'm done I'll have directly paid her $180k (~$250k with any reasonable interest not including all the tax benefits).
-- My wife and I have cut back on any and all unnecessary expenses... which includes any unnecessary spending on our 2 yr. old daughter. My wife feels it's unfair to our daughter because my son still gets full payment of presumed expenses, not actual expenses but my daughter has to cut back. An expense we are not cutting back on is putting about $400/mo. in a 529 for her. Our position is that our daughter may not have as good a summer camp but she'll have college tuition.
-- My position is that my son's mother was responsible for putting some of the CS away for college tuition if she expected me to help pay for it (i.e., like I would have over the course of 18 years had we been a couple and am doing now with my wife & 2 yr. old daughter). There were enough things she could have cut back on over 18 years if she had chosen to do so and like I have to do for my 2 yr. old.
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