Annie7676
old hand
Reged: 06/05/05
Posts: 862
Loc: NY
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Re: Paying for college - non-cust father's perspective
01/29/12 12:31 PM
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If your agreement does not state you have to pay for college then you probably dont have to. So bottom line if you dont have it legally required then no, you dont have to pay for college.
However, is he a good student? Does he work hard in school and plans to focus on doing well in college? If so then maybe contributing something is an option.
Spending money? NO. Having paid for two sons for college, I did not give spending money, they had jobs in the summer and part time jobs during their college years, they were on their own for spending money. Occasionally would give them money but not on a regular basis.
My X put in the divorce agreement that he would only pay half of a state tuition which was about $2500 at the time, I paid the rest of it, about 3/4 of it. If they had been lazy uncommitted students then I would have been freaking out but in my case I was lucky, they both did very well in college, with the goal always to graduate and enter the work force to be a self supporting adult.
Its a tough call, understand about retirement and having another child. How will your son feel if you do not contribute anything? Will it be okay, what will it do to the relationship?
If you feel that since your parents didn't help you and thats the deal then go with that. If he is motivated and sees the value in either a college degree or learning a trade so he can become a productive worker then thats fine, he can take out loans. Any options for scholarships?
Many of the folks I work with are going into massive debt paying college for kids that are majoring in degrees that will be hard to get a job in. Or they are barely making it in college and the parents keep paying. In those situations, paying for college is a real consideration. Going into debt for a useless degree or paying for someone to party all the time is not a good place to be.
I have no idea what the right answer is.
If he is a good student and a good kids, then yes as his Dad it would be nice to help him out. Do you have the type of relationship that you can talk to him about this? How does he feel, not paying at all, and saying I dont have to may put a strain on your relationship with him, he may view it that you dont' care. Tough call there.
An approach a friend is using because she isn't sure that he will do well and does not want to get hit with college debt. She is making him take out loans and "if" he does well and work hard and is achieving well in school, she plans to pay off his loans. She has not told him this, she wants to see how he does.
If he is not motivated and college is not serious enough to him, then I would be very reluctant to pay.
Good luck.
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