JF31
recently joined
Reged: 02/20/12
Posts: 4
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Re: stbx wife wants 3rd party communication
02/21/12 02:09 PM
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I spoke with my lawyer and he strongly advised me not to change the midweek visit into an overnight at this time since this 50/50 arrangement has just started and to follow the schedule the court gave us. He said as a show of good faith offer her an alternative to drop the kids of at a mutually agreeable place like my parents or trusted friend. He also told me at least for a while to consider only attending the games and not the kids practices during her custody week. He said if she brought this up in court it would only make her look vindictive. He said the court has already seen how she tried to severely limit my time with the kids and this would be just another example.
We have a mediation coming up in April and that would be the time to discuss any changes to the custody schedule.
I decided not to respond to this stranger 3rd party. My lawyer said this arrangement would not be acceptable to the courts. Our circumstances does not make this necessary and if it was necessary it would not be this 3rd party. He said all my stbx is doing is giving us ammo to go for sole legal custody. He says we need to keep documenting and if she is still acting like this in April then I should file for sole legal custody.
He will send her attorney a letter basically saying that this stranger 3rd party way of communicating is is not acceptable and this person is not to contact me again. He will relay that she can drop the kids off at my parents house at 7 pm on Wednesday. He says he will not even address the sports issue. He wants her lawyer to get the impression that the request was so ridiculous that it was not even worth responding too. He is also going to put that my preferred method of communicating is via email or text message.
He also gave me some insight into my stbx's attorney. He said he's known the guy a long time and that he can tell my stbx is not following his advice. He said in a case like ours my ex should have requested the standard e/o/w and mid week visit. She should have made that her jumping off point and she didn't and it really got the judges attention. He said very bad legal strategy and he is a very good experienced attorney and he knows he would not advice his client to do something like that. He said it would not shock him at all if her lawyer even knows anything about this 3rd party communication BS.
So anyway that is the latest. As far as the emotional issues and what a bastard I am I don't know what to tell you. My lawyer told me to keep the emotion out of it and I think his advice has served me well. That's what I have been trying to do. I only contact her unless absolutely necessary. I know I caused her a tremendous amount of pain but that does not give her the right to try and use the kids as a weapon against me. I knew our marriage was over for a long time. I had not been happy with her for over 4 years. She's a great mother (when she is not using them as a weapon) but one cold fish let me tell you. I can give you a laundry list of reasons of why I am so happy to now be single. Yes I have a lot of reasons that I resent her. Still I am not letting that impact on how I communicate with her regarding the kids. We're the parents and we should be able to at a minimum email regarding the kids.
As far as the OW goes she is a non issue now. She is not in my life. I have read a little bit about affairs and I think you would classify my affair as an exit affair. I did have very strong feelings for her but I was never in love with her. I think she wanted me to rescue her from her not so happy life and I am so not going to take on the role of hero. My family would have never accepted her either. She said she was in love with me and when I broke it off she said I ruined her life. I had 2 women tell me that in the same week. I am in no position to be a husband or boyfriend to any woman. Like I said before I am concentrating on my kids and looking forward to enjoying the single life. I think I mourned the end of my marriage a long time ago so I have already moved on. I will try to keep reminding myself that my ex is in a different place as long as it does not involved her trying to limit my times with the kids or her trying to get me to communicate with a stranger regarding the kids.
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