dobralov
recently joined
Reged: 04/01/12
Posts: 2
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Re: I just need wise words
04/01/12 07:23 AM
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Authenticj,
I can relate to your experience and I am profoundly sorry for your pain. As another user said, you must expect and allow yourself to proceed through the stages of grief--denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Don't brood on "which stage" you're in or whether you "have a right" to feel that way--different people struggle more with different stages.
I'd recommend you try to avoid "triggers" for what upsets you, and it sounds like that trigger is Facebook. Facebook is the great harvester of marriages now, anyway. Stop reading his page. I think you should consider unfriending him if you can't resist the temptation to look. Even if you have accepted and appreciate the need for divorce, it is understandable that pictures of him and his new girlfriend are terribly painful for you to see.
He will not stop posting them and his apparent apathy toward your pain angers and confuses you still. Stop looking there. Focus on yourself. Look ahead to the future. Buy a journal and write in it whenever the feelings of loss threaten to overwhelm you. Seek professional therapy if you can. Stay on this site for additional support, and find one good friend you can trust to confide it.
I am close to where you are. I'm about to divorce, the OP is still around, and I also fight a daily battle against bitterness, resentment, fear, loneliness, and loss. I'm there with you.
Avoid the triggers. If this means avoiding him, then do it as much as you can (though if you have kids you will may need to have some level of contact). Explore your hobbies or find new ones. Carve a new identity for yourself and learn how to be alone--we can't love another until we love ourselves. He hasn't learned that and is still relying on someone else to make himself happy, but that shouldn't matter.
YOU are all that matters now.
I hope this helps,
Dobralov
dobralov@gmail.com
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