Can you top this?
This is my second go-round in separation. The last separation lasted about a year, but just sort of went away because the BUMD (between little league and regular visitation) was at my house almost every evening, eating dinner with us and everything.
This time I am determined not to have that happen again, so I am avoiding some of the things that I think led to that happening last time; no phone calls, no meals together, etc. I started putting the youngest's carseat on the porch when he picked them up at 5:15, and then he kept opening my car and putting it back in when they returned at 7:20. I asked him several times to just leave the seat on the porch, but he wouldn't. I asked him for my car key back (he claimed in papers that each of our cars was to be our sole property), which he grudgingly did, but then tried to start fighting when he realized he was locked out of my car and had to put the seat on the porch.
Then, I realized he was opening the front door if I didn't get there fast enough, letting himself in, and then visiting with the dogs before pickup. He emailed me saying he wanted to give the dogs a fleabath but I told him they have a grooming appt. He has not offered any money for child support, but he offered money if I couldn't pay the groomer, which I declined.
Each time he has come to pick them up I have been more organized so there would be no reason he would need to come in, which is making him mad, and today had the kids on the porch (so he had no reason to come inside), which he wasn't pleased about. At the gate when I handed him the carseat he asked "You aren't letting me visit the dogs anymore?". I told him to not start anything up. Then he says, 'Can I have Adobe?". And I said no, you cannot. Then he starts to complain. At this point the kids start telling him 'just get another dog, daddy'. He keeps up the complaining that I got everything- the kids, the car, the house... but I say no, I haven't gotten anything, he's gotten everything he's asked for, and now he wants my dog? No, he's my dog. So then he threatens me that he is going to ask his lawyer to force me to give him the dog. I told him yeah, talk to his lawyer about it...at the same time he's talking about the house, because he still doesn't seem to understand that nobody just 'gets' the house, it will have to be sold to split whatever equity there is. And then I turned and walked back into the house because I didn't want a fight.
Yes, I got the dog while we were married. I went down to the SPCA for weeks looking for the right dog. I paid for him, I got him fixed, taught him tricks, to play ball. I take him to the groomers. After I got Adobe, I got Maggie, (to keep him company) from the pound later, and take care of both of them. We've had them about 3-4 years. I consider them my dogs, but NOW the BUMD (after seeing how good he was at ball with me, taught him to chase frisbees, cats, other dogs, people (meaning generally bad behaving dog)...taught him to jump over the fence so now he runs away several times a day if not watched, and has bitten 3 people since the BUMD started 'playing' with him) wants him.
He refused to take the dog for training last summer as promised, and when he left us at the first of the year, I had been having the dog trained at my house a couple of times a week, and he'd gotten a little better. Since then I haven't had the trainer come back because I can't afford it.
Can his lawyer ask for the dog? Has anyone heard of someone doing that? It's kind of rude- he's not even asking for the other dog, just the one that plays frisbee. When he left the last time he didn't ask for the dog.
Is it really about the dog, or is it more likely he's getting p*ssed because I'm not letting him into my car, or letting him 'hang around' in the house before or after pickups? Last time he complained that I had them say goodbye on the porch, and I said, 'would you like it if I came over to your house, just walked in, and then walked all over inside any time I wanted?' He said it was different because I hadn't lived in his house. I cannot even talk to him on the phone without us fighting, so I don't want to talk to him in person, and I'm getting resentful that I keep having to see him every other day. I shouldn't have to see him in my house.
Please answer- when parents switch off, they don't actually have to go inside the other person's house every time, do they? And also, any thoughts about my dog would be appreciated.
c
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