I am 22 years old, I have 2 children. My daughter is Autistic and will be 3 in April and my son is 18 months. My husband(31) and I work at the same place, a retail sportsmans center. We drive an hour to get there from where we live. We currently live with my mother-in-law and her fiancee, because my husband has a spending problem. We have been married for just over 2 years, and this June we will have been together for 5. He also has 2 other children, 13 and 10, which he pays about half of his weekly paycheck to their mother for CS. The rest of his check he uses for whatever he feels like. Then when his money is gone, he asks me for money, and by the time he gets what he wants, I can't pay bills. We live paycheck-to-paycheck, we have since we first moved in together. Except back then, we didn't have kids, it was just us, and I would go without groceries for weeks so that I could pay the bills, and at that time, he wasn't even working...just sitting around all day. I take care of our kids 90% of the time, and the other 10% is my mother-in-law helping me, thank goodness for her! Or I'd never get help! According to my husband, I'm terrible at managing money, including paying bills. I don't do my job to my fullest ability(we work at the same place, remember - and he's always trying to tell me how to do my job), I'm a bad mother, yes, he's said that before(even though he's probably NEVER changed a diaper since either of our kids were born!), I'm a terrible housekeeper, and I admit, I'm not the best, but sometimes I think it's OK to leave the dishes for tomorrow after I've worked 8 hours, and just want to spend time with my kids before they go to bed. And I also never 'use my head' or think, basically, I'm an idiot. He's very mean to me, he says terrible things about me to my face, like the bad mom thing, and he also accuses me of cheating at least 2 times a day. He has a short fuse, very short. He's physically mean(he doesn't beat the you know what out of me, but...he is just...mean) on an almost regular basis(1-2 times a month). And I'm not saying that I'm always the easiest person to get along with either, I think that I'm always expecting him to be miserable with me, so I'm constantly on the defensive. Most times I just try not to even talk to him if it's not necessary. I don't feel like his wife anymore. I left him once before we got married and before my youngest child was born. We got back together after a few months, and he was great for about 3 months, and then it all went back to 'normal'. He has the belief that it's a womans 'job' to care for the children and the house by herself. And it's a mans job to bring home the money and do man things, like mow the lawn. Well, I do EVERYTHING. I bring home twice as much as he does, I mow, I shovel, I take out the garbage, I clean, I cook, and I'm the most useless individual he's ever seen. We have very few assets, a boat and a couple vehicles. I could care less about the boat, and almost everything else. I just want my kids and my car. I don't even know where to start, I have no money, no savings, no resources. And I know for a fact that he will fight me for everything, espically the kids. I just think that it would be so much easier for me to care for my kids, provide for them on my own. Plus then they wouldn't be exposed to the bad things that happen...But I know he will not give me an uncontested divorce, not in a million years. He'll try to hurt me in the worst way possible...At least that's what he's threatened me with. What do I do? He knows that I'm unhappy, how can I make things as quick and painless as possible?
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