mtdew
member
Reged: 07/08/06
Posts: 133
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At a loss...long
10/20/06 08:19 PM
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Our kids did pretty well when STBX first left though DD had a little tougher time. She HATES to spend the night away from home and even when we go on vacation she is ready to come home after a day or so.
Sometime around the first of September she was at her dad's and on Saturday night got all hysterical wanting to come home. She was so bad that STBX finally brought her here. She "didn't know" what was wrong. She also had a couple of episodes of uncontrollable shivering at night. I explained to her that now she has 2 homes and asked if she wanted to talk to somebody impartial. She did so I called her guidance counselor at school and made it clear to DD that she wouldn't tell us whatever DD told her. I even bought her a couple of things to keep at his house to make it more like "home" and suggested that he do the same, which he has. She did better for a while but now has started this back up.
Earlier in the week she said she only wanted to stay one night at dad's this weekend. I told her she would have to talk to him about that because it wasn't up to me. She did and he said okay. Last night though, she started her shivering again. She wasn't cold or feverish and she swore nothing was bothering her. When I picked her up from school today though she couldn't wait to see her dad and luckily he was in the driveway. She barely told me bye.
We don't talk negatively about each other. They have not met OW yet so that's not the problem. I doubt STBX even talks about her around them. I don't play "poor pitiful me" when they leave or come home (actually I'm kinda glad for the break)but I don't act like I had an amazing weekend without them either. I just act like it was a normal weekend. I don't question them when they come home either.
The only thing I can think of is that no matter how many times I tell him that he can see/get them whenever he wants to, he won't do it except EOW. He works at night so it's hard through the week. By the time they get out of school, he only has 4-1/2 hours to see them and with afternoon traffic it would be 45 minutes back to his house and 45 minutes back here. He tried dinner a couple of times but they are sooooo loaded down with homework it didn't work well. I finally suggested that he could come here and see them in the downstairs living room and help with homework, etc. I never go down there so he wouldn't have to see me. He normally doesn't mind seeing me because we get along fine (unless OW creeps into the conversation). He won't do that either. I can't MAKE him come and see them. I don't even know if that's the problem.
The only other thing I can think if is that she is almost 10 and changes will start happening soon. She is VERY private about stuff like that. She doesn't want anybody other than mommy or maybe grandma (his mom) to even know about it. She would be humiliated if she had an accident or he saw a wrapper or something.
I really think something is bothering her subconsciously and she truly doesn't know what it is.
Any suggestions?
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