ndhelpfast
recently joined
Reged: 05/18/07
Posts: 2
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Unmotivated wife is wearing me down
05/18/07 06:23 PM
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Hi all,
I need some advice. Just do your best.
I've been married almost three years. Both my wife and I came into this relationship with one daughter each, now aged 12 and 13. We have a son together who will be two years old soon.
Not long after we got married I got wind of a situation with my wife where she'd let electronic debits against an used bank account of hers skyrocket to almost $600 in the red. That's right, negative. We were looking for a new place to live then and in my opinion we didn't need any sh-- with getting put on ChexSystems. I raised hell and asked her why she hadn't bothered to just close the account -- no real answer, she just didn't bother. I paid it off but I was really sore.
This same scenario repeats over and over, such as:
* Letting the registration on her car expire and driving around with our son in the car on expired tags for over two months before I caught on. We had money in the bank .. ?
* We have a small business. She has issues following up with clients. Additionally, most recently she had issues getting work done with our son around, so I and our family counselor pushed her to put him into child care for a few hours a day. Now that he's in there, I get a blank stare when I asked what's been accomplished for the day. (I work a full time job, trying to get out of the rat race). She cooks dinner weeknights, but that's about the most consistent thing she does in the house. Our girls' chores incorporate some of the other house cleaning.
* My stepdaughter has some serious emotional issues. The family counselor (and the police!) have made some recommendations but my wife doesn't make a move until I get on her case.
When I brought this stuff up to my wife, she admitted that in her head she knows the right things to do, but has no motivation to do them when they are unpleasant. She also says she doesn't want to be a leader, but more or less somebody along for the ride. My stepdaughter (whose father isn't around) is crying out for a role model via acting-out behaviors, but that doesn't motivate my wife much either.
We have access to information to help get some child support from the deadbeat dad, but my wife isn't interested in that either. I work 40 hrs a week and then about another 15-20 in our business and have been keeping thing all afloat. My wife -- I've told her -- is a greater liability than she is an asset to our family. Her daughter is right in the same vein -- an emotional and financial liability -- but she's not going to improve unless my wife gets a clue.
My wife is great with our son but neglects her daughter's well being because it is a difficult stage in the game. She is not a bad person but now that things have escalated to getting the police involved re the daughter (the last time, she got upset and pulled a knife on my wife) I am ready to SKATE.
Coincidentally, my wife took no action on the knife incident, either.
Your insights are welcomed - I am counting the days. Thanks all.
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