JuzBrowzn
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Reged: 07/13/07
Posts: 9
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My Verbal Abuse Story
07/13/07 12:26 PM
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When I was young I never did anything wrong. I was too scared that I would get caught and it just was not anything I wanted to do. I went to church every time the doors were open. I had my first taste of alcohol after I graduated and my husband I started dating. We have been married for 18 years now. My husband is very confusing to me. I have read a lot of sites regarding emotional abuse and he fits ALL the signs. He is very controlling. He has to know where I am at all times. If I leave my desk at work and he calls, he gets mad because he thinks I am in an office having an affair (not his words). He calls me at least every 30 minutes. Then he gets mad because I never call him. I never go shopping with out him. If he is at work and I have to go I have to take 1 of our 3 children with me. I have never done anything that would make him feel as though I am having an affair. He says it’s because I do not show him affection. I used to but now how can I when I am being treated this way? It is a circle. “I treat u this way because u treat me that way” and so on. He is AGAINST counseling. He also checks my work email & phone bill (Blackberry). When he has the opportunity to go somewhere he will not go because he says I can not be trusted and he would not have a good time. BUT on the other hand when I am with him he wants me to wear slutty stuff, thin shirt with no bra, flirt and MUCH more! That is what confuses me! I do not want to dress like that or flirt. He says I am doing it for him and as long as he is there it is OK. Same goes for a 3-some. I am VERY much against that and he keeps pushing for it. He says those things show him that I love him and then he would not think that I am having an affair. The things that he wants me to do I do not feel are morally right. He says that I never do anything for him. I got 2 tattoos & a belly piercing for him. I would have never done that for myself. Every time I am around him I get nervous and shaky especially when he is trying to get me to do something I do not want to do. And he wonders why I never set up a weekend for us to go out with out kids. - He yells and curses at me in front of the kids, he yells and curses at the kids. Nothing ever pleases him. Everything has to be his way or his idea. He tells me what to wear, who to talk to and what to do when I get home. He is overly obsessed with me. I have to be by his side constantly. He is jealous of the kids when I have to help them with something. He is a neat freak and constantly complains. I am at my wits end. He always asks me if I am going to leave him. I can never answer that with a yes. He senses that something is wrong with me but blames me that he is the way he is because I can't do anything right, he always has to tell me what to do or I do not 'show' him that I love him. My daughter and I get nervous when he walks through the door. "What is he going to yell about now?" He has never hit. It is only emotional. Now after saying all that.. Deep down he is a good person. He does have good days but they are never without a comment or 2. He would do anything for anyone (if it is his idea). I know he loves me but he does not show it. I am just sooo unhappy and miserable. I have started not loving him like I should. I dread being alone with him. It has taken me a while to finally understand what is going on and that I (and the kids) do not deserve this. My mind is where is should be right now. I have taken a few steps in the divorce process. I have talked with my Dad and have his support. I have had a consultation with a lawyer and have made an appointment to go further. Now for my question.. When do I tell him? Before I actually file in hopes he would not contest anything and we can get a divorce online? After I file but before he gets served? This is part I am dreading the most out of all of it! Some say do it in a public place but secluded. I think he would still yell or he would be more upset because I purposely did it there. I have gone on-an-on I know… Sorry! Thanks for listening and I hope someone can help.
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