VA_43_man
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Reged: 10/21/07
Posts: 3
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At the crossroads....again
10/21/07 07:57 PM
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Ok here goes....I'm the husband in an unloving 21 year marriage that should have been ended by all rights in the mid 90s. We finally separated in 2004 for about 5 months but we got back together to keep the family in-tact so as to better support the kids (at least that was my main reason and she knew it and still took me back). Things have been semi-peaceful for the last 3 years however still no love or relationships to speak of for well over 10 years. We've once again gotten to the crossroads and are in discussions about what to do. My wife still thinks that she can once again make me love her (I'm not sure I ever really did love her as I know love to be now....I still see it as a mistake that I made in my early twenties and have just been trying to do the "right thing" ever since). Anyway my wife still is holding out that I she can make me love her again and is worried about losing medical coverage (she doesn't work away from the home). I have come to the realization (after all these years) that even though it will have an emotional and financial impact on the family (we have an 18yo daughter and a 10yo son) that it is only right that we let each other go and try to establish some sort of life separately to, if nothing else, give us some peace and sanity and be happier with our children even if it is being with them separately. Now the thing is my wife who is infuriated that I don't love her still does not want to hear about getting a divorce. If I was to make the move out on my own would that be held against me? I have learned during our first separation 3 years ago that there is no need for me to fight anyting (like custody, child support or spousal support) and am really just wanting to move on in the best interest of ALL of us. My wife is not happy and has not been for well over 10 years (me either). I am pretty much willing to accept the terms that I know the court will order but am just wondering if it will be held against me if I go ahead and move out without her agreement.
And I guess other things that I would hope that some of you may be able to help me with is concerning the pendente lite order from my separation of 3 years ago. It seems to me that the judge ordered me to pay some 2700 dollars in child and spousal support AND also pay the mortage for the house they were living in. So I was going to have to pay something like $3500 of my net net of $4900 per month. Could that possibly be right? My research says that I should expect to pay approx. 700 for my 10yo child and about 1800 (28% of my gross) in spousal support. Does that sound reasonable? But she would make the mortage payment from that money...correct???
Thanks for your help. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
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