Okay, so I'm not as new as the name implies. Formally Ms. Life after death, I have some positive stories to share...that I hope will help some people out there. I'm still what most would call a recent divorcee, per my own choice. A little over a year ago, my divore was finalized, and a few months later I went out of the country to meet the man that has been there for me through thick and thin. It was the first meeting actually, and as fate would have it, he became my life partner. While there are still some things that come to bite me in the bum when I least expect them, ie. memories, feelings, there so many things that I am experienceing for the first time. But it's not really my story I want to share, but more so how I"ve managed to make it through what some have come to dub the darkest hours.
After my divorce, I was on cloud nine, I was out of the relationship that was causing more pain than anything else, but that feeling was quickly replaced by loneliness. The first time I went to be with my new partner, that loneliness quickly left, and I was elated again, but as soon as I got home...who else greeted me, but my dear friend lonely....so I made the decision to go back a second time, to make sure this was really what I was precieving it to be. I stayed for three months, and it was heaven, yet again, coming home....I took a turn for the worse...there were so many other things going on when I got back, I started to loose percpective...I was going to kill myself.
I hated being alone, I felt like the one thing in life that made me the happiest, kept being taken away from me, we tried to find ways so that I could stay, but were coming up empty handed. So devasted I was that, I started making other things in my life worse, even the one thing I didn't want to lose, I was pushing him away. I know now that my problems with being lonely, all came from the divorce, not wanting to face the world alone, to say, this is me.....and no I"m not with anyone, but I couldn't except that.
It was time for some perspective, and what did I do??? I did something that I hadn't done in ages, I prayed. I told God that this was me, I didn't know who I was anymore, and I needed some direction in my life, I needed to be able to accept the fact that my partner loves me, that I mean the world to him, that jealousy and anger, are all parts of the healing process....so in a few simple words, "God, I put my life in your hands, and ask only for guidence." he heard me, and started showing me the way, I had to forgive myself, accpet change, and never forget that there were always people here, with me, and in other countries that I could depend on....family....minutes or miles around.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that Religion is the answer.....and up til today...you wouldn't have heard me admit that I talked to God....but going back to my roots, and thanking the one person, who has been there for me.....the man up stairs, for all I do have, and not cursing him for all I don't, help shed the light on my life that I was missing.....
~It's not a question, but a lesson learned in life. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right, I hope you have the time of your life....." -Green Day
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