My wife (35 years old) and I have been married for almost 2.5 years and have a 21 month old daughter. Shortly after giving birth, my wife was diagnosed as bi-polar with suicidal and homicidal ideation and spent a significant period of time in and out of mental facilities. After a very tough year, things were looking up... until recently when her parents convinced her (AGAIN) that her bi-polar and her epilepsy could both be addressed through diet and exercise.
So, now she is off her meds and won't listen to me when I try to get her to re-start them. She also refuses, on her parents' advice, to see her psychiatrist and her therapist.
Complicating matters further, when we visited her twin sister out of state last week, my wife insisted on staying (with our daughter) for another few weeks. This sister is going through her own divorce (having refused to continue marriage counseling after the therapist with whom they were meeting suggested to her privately that she may be bi-polar as well)
Anyways, back to my wife... since she stopped taking her meds, some of her old symptoms have returned. I don't fear for my daughter's safety yet as she doesn't seem suicidal or homicidal like last time, but the irrational and withdrawn behavior is something I need to keep my eye on. Many nights, as soon as I return home from work, she withdraws into her romance novels... not re-engaging until it is time to put our daughter to bed (and often just long enough to give her a kiss)
On the rare occasion she does make dinner, it is either just for her or for her and our daughter... leaving me on my own for food.
Since our honeymoon, we have been intimate less than 10 times. My wife does have an IUD, but has an irrational fear of getting pregnant... so sex is pretty much out of the question. After the most recent time we were intimate, she was so convinced she was pregnant that she started experiencing physical symptoms. She even had a false positive on a home pregnancy test. Despite the IUD she now insists that we will never have sex again until I get a vasectomy.
On the average night, we spend less than 10 minutes actually talking to each other... and that is usually limited to what errands we need to run over the next few days. Since I left her sister's house, she has called me only three times... twice to ask for money and once when our daughter was having a breakdown wanting to talk to daddy. The time spent talking with my wife on each of these calls didn't exceed three minutes.
She complains about being stuck at home with our daughter all day and even tries to give me a guilt trip due to the fact that I "Get" to leave the house every day to go to work. But when I bring up the idea of her going back to work and getting daycare, she refuses.
Shortly after getting married (and convincing me to move to a larger house, for which we would need her income to make mortgage payments) my wife quit her job (without any discussion before hand) and has since refused to get another job. As a result, the past two and a half years have been incredibly stressful financially. Add in a baby and things got even tighter. We have gotten by, but my salary has only recently increased to the level where the loss of her income has been replaced.
She now is preoccupied with moving again... this time to the most expensive suburb in our metro area, where a house the size of our current one would cost nearly twice as much. Other than the financial issue, moving to that particular suburb would be disastrous to her in my mind. With her epilepsy, she is unable to drive. At our current house, the library, three parks, two small grocery stores, doctor/dentist offices and a charming shopping district are all within a few blocks. In the suburbs, none of these conveniences would be within walking distance, she would be stuck in the house all day... but she wants a status symbol address. When she isn't reading romance novels, she spends her time engrossed in the (as of right now) impossible dream of moving to the suburbs.
I don't think there is anything left between us. I feel un-appreciated and used. It feels like we are just roommates... more often than not we even sleep in separate beds.
I know this is long and rambling, but I need to get it off my chest. Do we have a future? If not, do I have a good shot at getting custody?
Thank you for any advice you can share with me.