kotabear
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Reged: 09/05/07
Posts: 488
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To try try try again, or just say forget it.
06/16/08 02:08 PM
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Yes it is me, yet again! I am sure that viewers on here that have seen my post before are saying come on kota!!!!
But I am not one to want to make a desicion about things that will change life indifente.
My husband and I have been seperated for a year at the end of this month. Struggling for the last 2 years. We have been together for the past 10 years.
Lately he is on a kick of wanting to get his life back. He say's that he is not going to drink (again). Which I really hopes that he does it this time. He wants me and the girls (2&4) to move back home, and begin working on us and our family to become together again.
I would want nothing more then that!!! Yet he drank 2 weeks ago. (if you read my prior post you will see what is was like, at times , when he was drinking, not good!)
I am still and always love him, will always want him to be a friend.
He thinks that I didn't support him enough in the relationship, I do admit that at times I thought some of his goals were like ok G. whatever you'll never go threw with it.
2 years ago he was penned as bi-polar, yet will not take med's for it. He believes if he changes his lifestyle and his attitude that will help. Which it will.
My husband didn't grow up around here. He feels like he is always an outsider. He really doesn't hang out with anyone, which he needs to work on. Over all he just isn't happy.
He lives in the house we bought, he hates living there because it reminds him of us girls. I would love to be in the house with or without him, yet can't afford it on my situation at the moment, I have a vechile that I can't seem to get rid of and need it for transportation. Oh and just so "some people" on here know, I have never gotten nor asked for child support from him!! I give him money at times TO BE PAYED BACK to get back and forth from school and to get food when he has not money, he doesn't trust himself with a checkbook or debit card.
Next week I go to see my counslor and have invited him to go with me, he said that he will.
My parents, family, and friends wish that I would just end it with him, they don't care for him at all. My four year old asked once when we were at his house and he had been drinking and throwing a fit why we fought so much. That sucked, and I try no to do things around her to much, I don't want her to have to worry about things.
I have thought about moving back, yet that means that I won't have family and friend stopping by, my friends children will second think about letting thier kids come over to play, and still in the back of my head I am not healed from him hurting me when he was in the "insane drinking state of mind" he was in.
I have thought and at times of agruements told him to go and to be happy. That I would find away for me and the girls to live in the house. The house was a dream for me, as (husband) said "you always wanted to play house" and "you want everything prefect" people have told me that ever since I was little "Prefect little L." I am not prefect trust me, I just try to really do my best, I want my life the way I want it and I'll try to do it the best way I can!
So I guess my question really is "Magic 8 Ball what should I do?!"
I know that I am the only one that can answer that but I need a shove towards something, because the dance I keep doing just sends me in a circle, and it's not health.
Thanks and take care,
Kotabear
--------------------
In three words I can sum up everything
I've learned about life:
It goes on.
(Robert Frost)
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