mommynurse
Carpal \'Tunnel
Reged: 03/26/05
Posts: 4386
Loc: Indiana
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Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
06/25/08 05:54 AM
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Sorry, I got busy the other day and couldn't check back in, but I really wanted to respond to your question because it is definately a legit question.
Let me start by saying it is NOT okay that she said that to her mom. There are no high fives coming her way because she spoke that way to her mother. However, she has very good reasons for having those feeling about her mom (#1 reason we have her in counseling) and I will try to be as brief as possible sharing them with you. That's a lot of ground to cover since their problems began at birth.
1) SD weighed almost 10# and was 3 weeks overdue. The pregnancy was miserable and the delivery was worse. On top of that, she was the ugliest baby in the nursery and BM was disappointed. OPENLY disappointed! So disappointed with her child's appearance, I am still hearing about it now...almost 11 years later! The way she looked at birth, according to BM, is why they never bonded.
2) BM's disappoint in SD continues today bc she will never be like SD13. SD13 is very petite. Very pretty. Very much easy to control (for BM anyway). I will admit, SD10 was not a pretty baby and there is nothing petite about her. Ohh..and that girl is so damned headstrong! But, she can't help a lot of it. Her father is 6'5" and BM is 5'10". She's going to be tall. No matter what she might try, SD10 is never going to look just like SD13 because they have different genes. DH is not SD13's biodad.
3) At 6, SD was kidnapped from her home by BM's brother with the intent to molest her. THANK GOD, she is headstrong bc she was such a PITA that he dumped her off at a gas station in the middle of the night. She called BM who couldn't find transportation to come pick her up. She called MIL who called us. By the time we found out about it, she had already been taken to the Home of the Innocents. We went to the shelter and waited with her for HOURS while they decided what to do with her. Since DH didn't have custody of her at the time, they wouldn't release her to us without talking to the judge first. We were prepared to sleep all night in the holding area with her so she wouldn't be alone. They finally got the approval from the judge to release her to our care and they notified BM that we were taking her home with us. AMAZING, but BM managed to get there pretty damned fast once she realized we had her.
4) SD came to live with us once for 6 weeks in the first grade. BM dropped her off at our house in the middle of the night and said she couldn't stand her anymore. That ended when BM thought we might try for a decrease in CS since we had one of the girls.
5) In the 3rd grade, she was dropped off again, in the middle of the night, with the clothes on her back. This time, we were smarter. We wouldn't take her back again, get her settled into school, without BM making it legal. We now have legal physical custody of her and I can't even begin to tell you how much trouble that has been. I can't tell you how many times BM has cancelled her parenting time. We were on a loooonngg stretch that everytime SD called her mom to visit, she was called a "nasty biatch", "slut" (yeah, at 10), "not welcome in her home". On the rare chances she does get to go with her mom, it's never pretty. The girls will get into an argument and we get called with BM yelling at us to pick up this "GD troublemaker".
With me so far???? Okay! Now, that SD is resigned to the fact her mom really doesn't want her and is rejecting her mom, NOW, BM wants to be supermom. She calls her all the time, telling her how much she loves her. Problem is, you can tell someone that until you are blue in the face. If your actions don't back it up, they aren't going to believe it. In the week she spent with her mom, she realized mom bought SD13 a new summer wardrobe. SD didn't get squat. SD13 (and all the other kids in the household) got summer passes to KY Kingdom. SD didn't get one. At 10, I'm pretty sure, if I was to live at my mom's house for the summer, and I didn't get to go with the others when they went to an amusement park, I'd be pretty pissed and want to come home, too. The "worthless mom" argument started because SD10 wanted to come *home*. She knew, the only way to get to do that, was to piss her mom off and it worked!
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Handed lemons? Find someone else who was handed Vodka and have a party--Ron White
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Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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mommynurse
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06/25/08 05:54 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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KiwiGirl
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06/25/08 07:36 PM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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mommynurse
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06/26/08 05:49 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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PrincessJ
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06/25/08 12:39 PM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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mommynurse
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06/25/08 02:39 PM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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Sherron
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06/25/08 12:58 PM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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Spring
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06/25/08 10:01 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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Tweeby
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06/25/08 08:29 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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ssmom79
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06/25/08 07:45 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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mommynurse
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06/25/08 11:26 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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Spring
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06/25/08 11:50 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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BB1
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06/25/08 06:05 AM
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Re: Background info for ssmom79 (BM, SD10)
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HLCMom
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06/25/08 06:37 AM
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