I just finished reading pointers on do's and don't before one files for divorce. One of the do nots said: Avoid spending large amounts of money on or with your new partner. For example, donít charge meals at expensive restaurants, purchase for extravagant gifts, take expensive trips or vacations with your new partner.
My husband has a long distance girlfriend who lives in England. My husband is unaware that I monitor his emails and instant messaging.
He met this woman on a business trip in Nov 07. For almost six months, they have been chatting. In May 08, he used the death of his father to fly from Texas to England to see her rather than attend the funneral in New York.
Now he has taken leave from work (June 28th, 2008) saying that he needed to spend two weeks in New York working on his father's house to put it up for sale.
But, he and his girlfriend are having a wonderful time sightseeing, fishing on a charter, staying at very, very nice hotels and then flying to Vegas for a week on July 6. (I have copies of his reservations that he made online. And pictures of her that he took on the fishing trip, downloaded and sent to her email address. And, an email from a stranger that said "It was so nice meeting you and Margaret. We must stay in touch."
I am very sad, even though I do not love him anymore. I have endured 8 years of verbal abuse when he gets angry. He has never hit me. And he just started leaving me at home this past year when he attends seminars and trainings. I have been considering filing for divorce since November 07, but kept thinking that the emailing between the two would get old. I don't think that she knows that he is married to me.
Please tell me, will the courts regard me as a woman who simply didn't have the guts to walk out?
I know, without doubt, that he will inflict verbal vengence for months, maybe years, that will bruse me unless I can hide somewhere. He has locked me out of the house more than once. The bad attacks happen about every three months or so. He says terribly mean things when he is drunk.
So why do I stay...? I can't afford to be on my own and I don't want to live in an apartment that has roaches.
I am assuming that I would be responsible for half of the house payment since the mortgage is in both of our names if I moved out... and I can't afford a nice apartment, my cell, car insurance, etc. and $600.00 a month toward our mortgage.
Please tell me, we have separate credit cards. When I am able to line up my ducks financially, and I am able to file for divorce, could I be held responsible for vacations charged on his card that took me to the Caribbean the first week of May 08 and took her to New York and Las Vegas June/July 08? Can I be held responsible for any of his credit card charges that benefitted me, i.e. food and vacations. (By the way, I buy my own clothes, glasses, gas, lunches.)
He makes twice as much as I do and has about 5 credit cards in his name that I have never seen the amounts on and have never charged on. I have three credit cards in my name that he never sees and that I pay. These are not joint accounts.
The attorney's retainer fee is $2,600, so it may be October before I have the money to pay the filing fees and retainer...
Also, do the judges in Texas care about mental and verbal cruelty? I have nothing on record regarding these issues. Only friends that have seen the way that he treats me, but this is not their problem.
Will my email printouts bare any weight in any of the court's decisions?
Will my living with him in the same house for almost a year accepting his infidelity and abuse count as strikes against me?
Or, will everything just be split down the middle regardles of fault or actions?
We have two vehicles, a house, and his retirment fund and some scuba equipment and a trailer in which to haul the scuba stuff. The boat he owned before we married. We are both 57. I have no retirement funds. We've been married 8 years. There are no children. He works in civil service - 10 + years; I work for the city. He retired from the Air Force before we married.
I know that money is not everything. And I could move into a little apartment. But why should I move out and let him live in our nice home until the divorce is final and the house is sold. And if he is forced by the courts to move out, I couldn'd possibly pay my living expenses plus elect., phone , satellite, chorine for the pool, etc. It takes two salaries to live in our home and pay our individual expenses and credit cards.
Guys or gals....let me hear your thoughts. Should I end this marriage now, tell the girlfriend about ME, or just live with it and find my own boyfriend?