jcamis
recently joined
Reged: 08/02/08
Posts: 2
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Is separation a good thing?
08/02/08 09:44 PM
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My wife and I have been struggling for some time, maybe 2 years dating back to before conceiving our little one (18 mos.). Been married 7 years. Our issues are similar to what pmforeman posted in the 'desparate to save my marriage post'. Basically my wife is questioning loving me anymore, there's no intimacy and she doesn't know what she wants. We have a good life and we do not fight, just your typical disagreements. It makes no sense. There is no adultery, we live comfortably, and abuse is out of the question (ironically she's a DV Program Director).
Really though - I'm an "all-in" or "all-out" kind of guy. I hate the middle ground and am not good in that gray area. I'm skeptical about separating (meaning I move out) because I feel like it just provides less time for communication and more time to feel lonely, which can lead to feelings of "I want to keep it going because I'm lonely" rather than wanting it because you know that's what makes you happiest (just like many HS & College romances). I want her to want to be married to me, not doing it for a child or because she's lonely or because life will be harder. She's not perfect, nor am I. But I knew early on I could accept the 20% of non-perfectness and be completely happy in life with her. I assumed she could do the same with me (more than 20% for me though).
But for my own piece of mind, I sometimes wonder if it will be best for me, since it will allow me to just move on (I feel it would certainly end in divorce though, which isn't what I want, but figure I'll have to live with if it happens).
And let me say thank you in advance. No one knows of our issues, save a couple long distance friends with no connection to where we live. We're both successful in our small town and I feel like if our marriage fails this will be a big "public" failure. I so appreciate a forum like this!
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